Not Letting Him Down
by Su Freund
Summary: Sam is devastated when Jack dies on a mission
1. Default Chapter

Title: Not Letting Him Down  
  
Author: Su Freund  
  
Email: su_freund@ficwithfins.com  
  
Status: Complete  
  
Category: Angst  
  
Pairings: Jack & Sam  
  
Spoilers: Stargate: The Movie, COTG, Fragile Balance  
  
Season: AU, Future  
  
Sequel/Series Info: None  
  
Rating: PG-13  
  
Content Warnings: Major character death  
  
Summary: Sam is devastated when Jack dies on a mission  
  
Disclaimer: Stargate SG-1 and its characters are the property of Stargate (II) Productions, Showtime/Viacom, MGM/UA, Double Secret Productions, and Gekko Productions. This story is for entertainment purposes only and no money exchanged hands. No copyright infringement is intended. The original characters, situations, and story are the property of the author. This story may not be posted elsewhere without the consent of the author. Any similarity to real persons, living or dead, is coincidental and not intended by the author. Copyright © 2004 Su Freund  
  
File Size: 71 KB  
  
Archive: My site, Jackfic yes, SJD yes, Gateworld, FanFiction Net  
  
Author's Note: Many thanks to my wonderful beta, Bonnie, and her forever helpful comments and corrections. All remaining errors are entirely my own. This fic can be found on my website complete with two wonderful S&J artworks by Fulinn28 and Thalassa. My website address can be found in my FF Net profile.  
  
Not Letting Him Down  
  
He was dead; gone forever. Sam was still in a state of shock, knowing it had happened but still not wanting to believe it. Death; the death of her CO, Jack O'Neill, the man she loved. She knew it to be true because she had witnessed it.  
  
Sam had worked herself to the bone over the last few days trying to keep herself occupied and avoid thinking too hard. It was an impossible struggle but it didn't stop her trying. Despite her best efforts, she'd been assailed by every emotion in the book, but continued to reject the attempts of her friends to comfort her or talk about it. She had hardly slept or ate, was irritable and upset and couldn't concentrate.  
  
When she allowed herself a break she might sometimes secretly and quietly cry about it. She couldn't help reflecting on her regrets, sorrows and feelings for that man who was now lost to her forever. Love. It was a word that stuck in her throat and brought a bitter taste to her mouth.  
  
Sam had never been certain or confidant of that love; his reciprocation of it, or her own feelings. Neither of them had ever got the chance to find out if it was real, imagined, or an excuse to avoid real life. She had come close to finding out with Pete though. He had been real, but not enough. For a while there she had thought she loved him but was lying to herself. She did that a lot, particularly when it came to facing her feelings for Jack O'Neill. Now the depth of her love for him had become starkly clear, but too late. The tears started to flow freely again as she thought about it. She couldn't seem to stop them. Each one represented her regret, grief and sense of loss. She was devastated and didn't know how to deal with it.  
  
Now she was close to totally losing control. They'd held a memorial service that morning, in the gate room at Cheyenne Mountain. It was that which had started her off, just as she thought she was getting a grip. Even Teal'c had nearly lost it. He hadn't, of course, he was far too restrained, but he'd come close. She could do with taking some lessons from Teal'c. Daniel had made no pretence at covering how he felt. She had seen the tears run down his cheeks.  
  
O'Neill's body had never been recovered. The whole team had seen what happened; a staff blast straight to his chest. They had been separated by Jaffa and the rest of SG-1 had barely made it home with their own lives. When they went back to recover his body they found bones and fragments of all the dead on a huge funeral pyre. The Colonel's dog tags were among the remains. Sam was profoundly disturbed that Jack had been disposed of in this anonymous way because he merited a good deal more.  
  
General Hammond tried his best to compensate for that omission by saying some pretty good things about Jack in his eulogy. The Colonel deserved every word and then some. Hammond had always hoped that Jack would overcome the odds and outlive him, but it wasn't to be. He had admired and respected O'Neill, despite his considerable faults and maverick, sometimes insubordinate, attitude. These were some of the qualities that had made O'Neill the man he was. Jack was a hero and deserved that recognition. Hammond had certainly provided it. Jack would have been proud.  
  
Sam had managed to maintain her composure, but only just. She'd felt the tears trying to beat her and wouldn't let them. A good officer, that's what she was; she'd show them. The Colonel had had faith in her and she couldn't let him down.  
  
They'd all loved Jack, in their own ways. He was that kind of guy and didn't even know it. Not that he was perfect, far from it. Nor did Sam want to think of him in that way. It was important that she remember the real Jack O'Neill. She loved and respected him; he'd done many great things and been a fine leader, the best. He was also a good and very dear friend. However he was human and flawed, just like the rest of mankind. No one should be worshipped on a pedestal and Jack would have hated that above everything. False gods; dead false gods.  
  
Persistent knocking woke her. She was surprised she'd been asleep but it happened when she least expected it these days. Go to bed and no way could she sleep. Get up to make a hot drink, then sit and watch TV for a while, and she'd doze off before you could say Starsky and Hutch.  
  
At the moment she caught snatches of sleep, but never enough. There was too much going around in her head, or bad dreams would wake her. This time it was someone at the front door. Crap! It would be Daniel and Teal'c. They were accompanying her to Jack's lawyers. After the service, even Sam had to admit defeat and ask her friends for help, lacking the strength to do this alone. The great effort of will required to get through each day without falling apart had bled her dry.  
  
Jack had left something for her and she had made the appointment with his lawyers for today in her desire to get all the unpleasant things out of the way at once; this and the memorial service. Damn it! That had probably been a seriously bad idea.  
  
Daniel and Teal'c were sombre and morose. They weren't looking so great. When she went to comb her hair she realised that she didn't look too hot either. She changed into something suitable for lawyers. At least she thought it was suitable but what did she know about lawyers? Only that they all looked very smartly turned out when she saw re-runs of Ally McBeal at 3 am.  
  
She was pleased they were coming with her as she didn't think she could face whatever it was on her own. Although she considered herself a strong and independent woman, now was not the time to be burning her bra. She needed her friends. Face it, they needed each other. Sam had no idea what to expect once she got there, no concept of what Jack might have left for her. All she knew was that it was going to be something he wanted her to have. That alone would be a more than ample excuse to lose control again.  
  
The lawyer's office was very ordinary. There were no beautiful women who looked like they could squeeze through the eye of a needle; no super cool men who appeared to brush their teeth with whitewash each morning and practice brilliant smiles in the mirror; no weirdoes muttering to themselves in corners. Not everything was as seen on TV.  
  
"Major Carter, it's a pleasure to meet you. I am sorry these are such unfortunate circumstances. Please sit down." He indicated a chair. She thought he was introduced as Mr Levinson, but couldn't be sure. "You too, gentleman, please." He gestured to Daniel and Teal'c who sat near Sam protectively.  
  
"I am sorry for your loss, Major. I've been Colonel O'Neill's lawyer for a long time. He was an unusual man."  
  
Sam nodded, mutely, wondering what they lawyer meant by unusual.  
  
"Colonel O'Neill left something in my care to give you in these... circumstances." Levinson continued. He reached into a drawer and pulled out a package and a letter, passing them to her. "He wanted you to have these before all the details of his will were revealed and processed. He left me strict instructions about it."  
  
He noticed Sam fingering the letter and parcel, clearly upset, reticent and uncertain what to do now.  
  
"Major Carter, there is an empty room you can use here if you would like to open them now. Or you can take them home, of course." He smiled faintly, trying to look encouraging. No matter how many times he dealt with the death of a loved one, it was something that he never got used to.  
  
The parcel was plainly wrapped in brown paper. She could feel a box inside but had no way of guessing what it contained. Sam looked at the envelope of the letter. It read 'Major Samantha Carter' in Jack's unmistakable handwriting. A note. Jack had written her a note?  
  
"Um, I'd like to take them home, if that's ok." She replied.  
  
"Of course Major, whatever you wish."  
  
They all politely said goodbye to each other and the three friends left. Daniel drove them back to Sam's and they spent the journey in silence. Sam fingered the envelope and parcel all the way home. Something from Jack. She both looked forward to and dreaded opening them, knowing that she might lose control once she looked inside. She had no idea what awaited her. Ever since she had found out that he had left something for her she had been stunned by the notion.  
  
When they got to her door she invited her friends in and made them all coffee. She didn't want to be alone, wanted her friends there in case she needed them. She's had enough of being alone over the last few days. Daniel and Teal'c had tried to persuade her to let them keep her company but she had rejected their advances. She was a poor friend; they had probably needed her as much as she should have wanted them. However, she'd been unable to face the friendship and togetherness without Jack there too. Today was different.  
  
"Sam, do you want us to stick around?" Asked Daniel.  
  
"Please Daniel. If you don't mind."  
  
"Hey, any time, Sam, any time." He pulled her into a hug and she responded as a friend should, sensing his own need.  
  
As they drank the coffee, the envelope and parcel taunted her from their place on the coffee table. You know you want to open me, so open me, they said.  
  
"Guys, I'd like to open these alone. Do you mind staying here while I take them into the den?"  
  
"Whatever you want, Sam." Replied Daniel, while Teal'c inclined his head in acquiescence.  
  
Closeting herself away she stared at the envelope for a long time before she had the nerve to open it. Carefully she slit it open with a paper knife to ensure it sustained no damage. She unfolded the pages. This was no note, but a letter. It was written in Jack's own hand. No PC printout for Jack O'Neill. She smiled. It made it so much more personal and she appreciated that. She started to read.  
  
'My beloved Sam'  
  
Her screech at this salutation brought Daniel and Teal'c running to her door.  
  
"I'm okay, guys. Just a little shocked. It's fine." Her heart was hammering. 'My beloved Sam'? God, if that was how it started what else was it going to say? It was the last thing she expected.  
  
Having got rid of the over solicitous Daniel and Teal'c, she sat down to start again, vowing to make no more noise as she read. She could have asked them to leave and knew she was being selfish in keeping them here in case she should need their solace. Unbeknown to her, Daniel and Teal'c had come prepared to stay all night if they needed to. Both were also mourning the loss of Jack but understood that it was hardest of all for her. The three of them together; that's what was required right now.  
  
'My beloved Sam  
  
If you are reading this then I guess that I'm dead - blunt, but true. Yes, I'm sorry, one of THOSE letters. It's a cliché, I know, but there it is. It has to be done. I hope you can bear with me through my blundering use of words. You know I'm no good at this kind of thing.  
  
Why am I writing this? I could never speak it; I haven't the ability or the right, and have never been in a position to say it. I owe it to you, though. I can only do my best and hope I don't screw it up and, frankly, it's easier to write it than to say it. Besides, I won't be there to see your reaction, which makes me a coward I guess. Who would have thought that of Jack O'Neill?  
  
This is harder than I thought. I imagined that writing all this down would be so much easier than saying it, but it's tough. I guess this letter is my way of getting my feelings off my chest. My own kind of self help therapy. Hardly fair of me because I'm just dumping it all on to you. I'm a total bastard, but you already know that."  
  
She smiled at that. Too damned right, but my kind of bastard, she thought, then continued reading.  
  
"I hate that my death means I won't ever be there for you again, as your friend and as your CO. I won't be around to watch your six. Never again will I have the pleasure of seeing your face, those beautiful, shining blue eyes and bright smile that made my day and lit up my life. I won't ever hear your voice confusing the hell out of me, or be bowled over by that super intelligent brain of yours. Nor will I ever simply feel the warmth of your presence, not in this lifetime anyway. As this is the only one we've got, I guess that's it. Finito."  
  
She felt the tears pricking at her eyes again. It was so unlike her to be this uncontrolled. She hated it.  
  
"There are a lot of things that I would have missed about you if it was me that was left behind. I always figured that my life was so much better for having you in it, and the lack of you in it would have left a gaping hole. You were my breath of fresh air, Sam, and all my hopes and dreams of the future. All of that has gone, if it was ever truly there.  
  
You changed me for the better. All of you did - my team. I am so proud of you Sam; you and the others. I think I helped change you too and hope we are both better people because we touched each other's lives."  
  
She paused to think about that and believed she had changed, for good or ill, because of Jack's influence. On balance she thought mainly for the good. How do you disentangle the changes that experience provides from those wrought by the people that you are closest to? Going through the gate, their work, had changed them all fundamentally.  
  
"They say that we regret not the things that we did, but the things we didn't do. How true is that? I always regretted that we were unable to do anything about us, Sam. You must know that. I hope you do. Now, I'm no longer in a position to regret it, so it's easy for me. But if you feel the way I always hoped you felt, then you are in that position. Believe me, Sam, I'm not worth it."  
  
Not worth it? Who was he trying to kid? Did he really undervalue himself so much? She could feel the tears coming down her cheeks as she considered that and lifted the letter so they didn't smear his writing.  
  
"Maybe you don't feel like that anymore, who knows? I've wondered, but how could I ever have asked? Despite my uncertainty, I'm writing this anyway because now that I'm gone neither of us needs to feel embarrassed by the whole thing anymore; how we feel about each other, our ranks; nothing.  
  
I could never have said this to you without knowing for sure whether you returned my feelings. I would have been far too nervous, gauche and embarrassed. I can envisage your lips turned upwards in a slight smile as you try to picture your old CO as a shrinking violet. Learn something new about me, Sam? I'm not all I'm cracked up to be, believe you me."  
  
She was trying to blink back her tears as she read, her vision kept blurring. As he suspected, she did smile a little at the thought of Jack being a shrinking violet. It upset her to realise that he had never been confident of her feelings about him. Foolish of her. How could he be when she hadn't been herself? He had good cause to feel like that, particularly over the last few months. She regretted that he had died without knowing. It was one of her many regrets. Having thought that, she nearly laughed when she read the next line.  
  
"So, if you feel that regret, please don't. You need to get on with your life. You deserve more than I could have given you and it was selfish of me to ever think about depriving you of that. I don't want you to waste your time mourning me when there are so many other better things you could be doing. Don't make me come back to haunt you with my bad jokes in an effort to get you to move on!  
  
Another irony. Jack O'Neill tries to tell you what to do with your life, again. I nagged at you for years about getting a life outside of the SGC. When you finally did, it hurt like hell. I was so absolutely unprepared for it when it happened. It hit me hard. I never could have shown you how I felt about it, you probably thought it didn't mean anything to me; but it did, and still does. It means a lot. It means that I can no longer fantasise that you might be mine, because you are with someone else. He's a lucky son of a bitch, your Pete. You deserve some happiness and, however bad it makes me feel inside, I cannot try to deny you that."  
  
She had to stop, letting the tears flow freely. She hoped she wasn't sobbing loudly enough for Daniel and Teal'c to hear. Their magic appearing act was something she could live without right now. She needed to be alone to finish this. It might take all night at this rate, but she'd get there eventually.  
  
Pete had got his marching orders a while ago but she had never told Jack. It seemed an odd thing to say to him out of the blue and no suitable opportunity had arisen to allow her to merely drop it into the conversation. Besides, she hadn't wanted to give him the chance to be smug and self satisfied about it. Another thing to add to her list of regrets. She figured if she wrote them all down she could wallpaper her living room with them.  
  
"I could never have given you that happiness. I'm too tarnished by all the horrific things from my life. To corrupt your good heart with my bad one would be sinful."  
  
It made her shudder that he felt like that. He was hardly sin free but Jack had been a good man. Corrupted her good heart? It was sweet of him to think of her like that, but he must have been wearing the wrong glasses. Her heart was no better than anyone else's, including his. Besides, she could have risked a bit of corruption. She genuinely hoped that they might have been happy together; would never know now.  
  
"Despite that, I always hoped that you might make a move on me. As your CO, it could never be for me to do that. It was your career, your life. How could I ever have been good enough for you? I was a poor choice; too old, too cynical, too close to burn out. I respected you way too much to allow my feelings to cloud my better judgement.  
  
Ultimately, I would only have been an embarrassment to you, and you would have ended up hating me for it. That would have hurt more than anything - although indifference might have sucked!"  
  
It saddened her all the more that he thought of himself like that, though she was a little pissed at what he said about her making the first move. Didn't he know her at all? She could never have done that. As she considered and started to understand his reasoning, she realised that she was being unfair to him. More than unfair. This letter was proving to be an eye-opening insight into the O'Neill psyche. She thought she knew him fairly well after all these years, but he'd kept so much of himself hidden. He was a difficult man to get to know.  
  
"So you did the right thing by giving me a wide berth and always stopping me from acting on my feelings. The invites to go fishing, for example. We both know that fishing was the last thing that was on my mind; although I could have made myself happy if that was all you had wanted to do. Your refusals always hurt, but that never made it the wrong thing for you to do.  
  
I always wanted to show you the cabin. It's so beautiful there and one of the few places in which I could find some peace. I think you would have loved that peace yourself. I might even have been able to convince you that it was more beautiful than your quarks and naquada generators. Some hope of that!  
  
You won't know it yet but I have left the cabin jointly to you, Daniel and Teal'c in my will. I want you all to enjoy it there as much as I did. Obviously you can sell it if you wish, it's yours, but I hope you will all take advantage of the wonderful scenery and tranquillity. It's a great place to relax, even if you don't do any fishing! I have been to a lot of places in my life, but none as breathtaking as the lake in Minnesota, and none that I have loved so much.  
  
I like the idea of the three of you there together and taking pleasure in it as I did. It appeals to my sense of completeness. If I couldn't get you there on my own, maybe the guys can persuade you. I would so much like that you could learn to love it there as I did. I guess tact was never exactly my middle name, and this is an honesty kick so I have to say it. I thought long and hard about doing this because the truth is that I hate the idea of you going there with another man. Selfish, yes, but how can I face you being happy there with someone else when I had always wanted you to be happy there with me? I decided I was being childish so took the bull by the horns and signed on the dotted line. It took all my willpower because of those stupid doubts. I really am a coward, Sam, that I found it so difficult to face that fear. You deserve a good and happy life and are better off without me. "  
  
Oh God, no! She was appalled that Jack thought that. Better off without him? Dumb ass. The whole world was a worse place without him. She was just a small cog in the larger wheel.  
  
Left them the cabin? That was an amazingly generous and thoughtful thing for Jack to do. She understood his misgivings, his reasoning, and promised herself that she would never go there with a lover. It would always remain a place for her and Jack and he would be in her thoughts while she was there. The prospect of going with the guys excited her and lifted her spirits. Jack's absence, however, would be pretty hard to live with. It was a dilemma she would need to resolve.  
  
She recalled his invitations. She would have liked to have said yes but knew the possible consequences and couldn't bring herself to face them. She had always suspected that he felt the same. He asked only because he knew she'd say no. Maybe she was wrong about that. The implication was here in Jack's own writing. He'd been hurt by her refusals. She imagined what it might have been like to go to the cabin with Jack, which led to further regrets.  
  
"When we first met who would have believed I would feel this way now? The brilliant geek scientist? Go figure! You turned out to be a damned fine soldier too, a good officer, and I was honored and privileged to serve with you. Never forget that because it is not a tribute that Jack O'Neill bestows lightly."  
  
Sam smiled, a thrill running though her. It was high praise indeed coming from Jack.  
  
"I would never have taken you up on that arm wrestling match you wanted. I rather suspect I might have lost and that would have been way too embarrassing. I'm imagining another little grin as you read this."  
  
Laughing softly, she recalled that challenge. She had come on a bit strong that day, too defensive; wanting to be accepted as one of the boys. That was until she had come out the other end of the gate. Recalling the nausea with a wince she thought that her reaction had put an end to her macho pretensions. Jack had been amused, but was never condescending about it.  
  
"You already know that I was attracted to you from the get go. You are a truly stunning woman, so who wouldn't be? I knew you felt it too; we were drawn together like magnets. Attraction is one thing but mutual respect, admiration and love another thing altogether. The attraction I could control. The feelings? They were harder. Those feelings grew over the years and combined into something that I have never really felt before. There's a powerful bond between us that I would hate to see broken."  
  
Oh boy, she thought, he was so right about that.  
  
"I sacrificed something that I wanted very badly to help save us all from a threat that most people can't even imagine. I sacrificed that happiness that I wanted to find with you. Now it's too late. Maybe we would never have been happy. I'd like to have taken a shot at it though."  
  
This was another sentiment with which she wholeheartedly agreed.  
  
"In the parcel there are a couple of things that I want you to have. I hope you like the photo of us. The frame's worth something even if the photo isn't. I'll bet you don't even remember it. We were on P3X ??? (I can never remember, you know that!), and Daniel took it. Do you remember the mission? Daniel had got through a whole thing without mishap for a change. Then, as we came back through the gate, he tripped and fell, giving himself a few cuts, bruises and sprains. He broke his glasses. We all thought it was pretty funny, poor guy. We didn't even know he'd taken the photo but I found him out and swore him to secrecy that I even had a copy. We look happy. It was a long time ago."  
  
Although she had neared the end of the letter she had to open the parcel and look at this photograph. That Jack had a photo of the both of them together totally amazed her. She ripped at the brown paper wrapping and opened the box inside. The photo was in a beautiful silver frame. It was real silver; an antique.  
  
She studied the photo. Jack and she were standing in front of the gate on a planet that looked like most any other; green with lots of trees. They were smiling at each other, totally oblivious of the picture being taken, seemingly unmindful of their surroundings.  
  
Jack was right; they did look happy, and carefree. It had been one of those Colonel / Major moments that they had sometimes. She remembered he had cracked a private joke. This must have been taken just as they had finished laughing and were still in that goofy smiling phase they tended towards.  
  
She was surprised at how intimate they looked. Is that really how they had looked? That was probably why he wanted a copy. The mission had been a long time ago and Jack must have had the photo for ages. She'd ask Daniel about it later.  
  
Sam stared at the photo for a while, caressing Jack's image through the glass with longing, and then put it to one side. Whatever else was in the box could wait; she had to finish the letter.  
  
"I'm not going to spoil it by telling you what else is in the box. You'll just have to open it to see.  
  
I guess I'm nearly done here. What more is there to say? Probably lots more but I'm a poor wordsmith. You would laugh if you knew how many versions of this I wrote before this one. I must have trashed a whole rain forest. Maybe this isn't even the final version, who knows?  
  
If it hasn't helped you, it's helped me a little. I needed to say it and it's almost done. I hope that it's eased you in some small way. Whatever has happened, or not happened between us, I know you care about me deeply in one way or another so will be upset by my passing. I can't say I'm too happy about it either, but I'm not there anymore to regret my death.  
  
I had hoped to spend my twilight years in peace at the cabin, feet up, sitting on the dock fishing and listening to the call of the loons. Sometimes I would picture you there with me, sitting with your head in my lap or bringing us a couple of beers out from the cabin. A forlorn hope. I'm sorry that it will never be.  
  
Reading this back, I guess I'm no Will Shakespeare. I never was much of a romantic. I just hope it doesn't sound like a love letter from some spotty teenager. What I'm really trying to tell you here, Sam, is that I love you. I wish I had the courage to say it to your face, but I don't. So you have to wait until I'm dead to hear it from me. It's that simple. When it comes down to it, I'm a pretty simple man.  
  
I have feelings now that I never thought I would feel again after Charlie died and Sara and I fell apart. For that I will be forever grateful to you. It means a lot to me.  
  
You want to know what I would wish for right now, if I could? That I was there to hold you in my arms and comfort you.  
  
God bless you Sam and have a happy and fulfilled life.  
  
Jack"  
  
Sam was crying like a baby. She had never imagined herself falling apart to quite this extent. Jack you asshole, she thought, if only you knew how much I would like to have heard those three words while you were alive. I had to wait until you were dead?  
  
Although she had never seen the cabin, she imagined them sitting on a dock, her head resting on his knee. It formed a beautiful mental image. He didn't think he was romantic? Shakespeare could have written her a sonnet and she would have been less impressed.  
  
He'd lacked tact in parts, but wasn't that so Jack O'Neill? He hadn't always chosen the right words, sure. Like him, the letter wasn't perfect. It had served to make her feel worse, in some ways, rather than better as he had intended. Her guilt and regret had increased a few notches. Nevertheless, she didn't think anyone had been more romantic towards her than this. Guys thought that flowers were romantic. Love letters were something that she had totally lacked in her life. This was the love letter to beat all love letters.  
  
Reaching for the photograph she stared at it again for a while then held it to her breast as if it would make her closer to Jack. She remembered that the photograph was not the only thing in the box and reached for it greedily.  
  
There was another photograph, of Jack when younger dressed in full combat gear in the desert, possibly Iraq. She had seen it before in his bedroom during the incident when Jack had been cloned by Loki. He looked so young and handsome, not that he wasn't handsome later on, after she'd met him. She sighed thinking she would need to get a frame for it. This and the picture of the two of them would take pride of place next to her bed.  
  
Next was a small jewellery box which contained a beautiful bracelet of turquoise set in silver. The bracelet was a set of small ovals linked together. She smiled and placed it in her wrist immediately. It was exquisite.  
  
There were a couple of sets of keys that she thought must be for Jack's truck, and a note. She took that out and read it.  
  
'Sam  
  
These are merely tokens of my regard for you and I doubt that anything is worth that much in monetary value. You'll be wondering about the keys. I've arranged for Levinson to transfer ownership of my truck to you if the worst happens. I know how much you love bright shiny speeding objects and hope you enjoy driving it as much as I did. The extra keys are for my Harley Davidson which is in the garage. It's an antique that I haven't ridden in quite a while but you will enjoy fixing it up! I think some people collect these things so maybe it has some value, although I'd love to think that you'll use it."  
  
He had a Harley? He'd never breathed a word about it even though he knew she loved bikes.  
  
"The photo of me when I was younger is a little conceit, but what the heck? The bracelet was my mother's. I hope you like it. It's almost as beautiful as you so should suit you well. More of the O'Neill family jewels can be found in a box at the top of my closet. Please take anything you think you would like; all of it if you want. Who's going to miss it?  
  
I'd like you to have my telescope and all my astronomical equipment and books, if you want them. It seems somehow appropriate for an astrophysicist that never appears to look at the stars much. Now's the time to start, Sam. We travel to them so frequently that it is easy to become blasé, yet they still look beautiful from down here. Just as Earth is still the best looking planet that I have ever seen from space.  
  
I must admit to finding it hard to think of something appropriate to leave for Daniel – he and I do not exactly have a lot in common, despite our friendship. I decided he should have my books, except for the astronomy ones I have left for you. There is some pretty good stuff amongst the dross, and much that he might enjoy. He will be surprised at some of the books I have stashed away, both in Colorado and at the cabin. I would give almost anything to see the expression on his face as he realises that dumb old Jack is not quite as dumb as he always thought. Maybe he already knows. I hope so.  
  
Teal'c gets the Gameboy and all the games! Plus my TV and video, which is much better than the one he has in his quarters. I want him to have my video collection too. He won't like everything, and I haven't got any sci- fi, but I'm sure there are some movies that he'll enjoy. This may seem a little weird but I think he would appreciate my medals. He's always admired them when he's been over at my place and somehow I think it fitting that one warrior bequeaths his medals to another. I hope you and Daniel are okay with that.  
  
He can also have my fishing gear! At least he might laugh at the idea, and maybe he would enjoy it if he really gave it a shot. Who knows? Now he no longer has to meditate he might find it relaxing. He never did understand that it isn't catching the fish that was the important thing about fishing; it's the act of fishing. Maybe the three of you can go together to the cabin, catch some rays... and fish! It's one way of getting you there, Sam, and maybe the break together will help you all get over the fact that I'm gone; maybe not."  
  
The idea held an appeal to Sam but she wasn't sure. Going to the cabin without Jack might be too painful. How could she fail to imagine what it could have been like to be there with him? Once again, her thoughts drifted to what she had missed, conjuring fantasies that it was too late to fulfil.  
  
"If there is anything in my house you'd like to take, feel free. Both Teal'c and Daniel can have whatever else they like too. Don't fight about it though kids!  
  
All this is legal and above board. Levinson knows; he has my instructions and my will. I wanted you to have these things before all that legal crap was sorted out.  
  
Jack"  
  
She smiled at the two pictures. They were worth more to her than anything else, apart from his letter. Jack seemed to be worried about the monetary value, as if that was what was important. She didn't think he meant it like that. Reading between the lines, she thought he was trying to tell her that what he had given her wasn't much and didn't match his feelings. Jack had wanted her to have these things, which made them all important and valuable in her eyes  
  
Having considered all this, she turned again to reread the letter. Then she read it again.  
  
Meanwhile, in her living room Daniel and Teal'c waited patiently. Both of them were broken up about O'Neill. He had been their friend and they had all become close over the years. That kind of thing happens when you constantly work as closely in such a dangerous job. They saved each other's lives on a regular basis and had been through hell and back several times.  
  
Jack was the kind of man that was conspicuous by his absence. He brought a room to life merely with his presence and would be sorely missed. Daniel remembered the very different man that he had met all those years ago. There was a man who had lost his will and given up. The Jack he knew now would never give up, or would have to be in extreme circumstances to do so. He would give his life for his friends willingly but would bitterly regret dying.  
  
Daniel felt Jack's loss keenly. They had disagreed on virtually everything but that didn't mean they weren't friends. He considered Jack a good friend and respected him, despite their differences. They'd had a strange relationship over the years, grudgingly admiring each other but with a healthy disdain. It was Jack he turned to when in dire need.  
  
When given the opportunity to ascend, it was Jack he'd asked to persuade the others to let him go. It had been a lot to ask of his friend but Jack had come through for him. It meant a lot and he knew Jack would have found it hard, to either believe or to do. Letting his friends die was against his better nature. Believing in the unbelievable, that a man might die and then ascend in a different form, was near impossible for Jack  
  
He recalled Jack admitting that he grudgingly admired Daniel, distinctly remembering Jack sitting by his death bed and saying so. Daniel smiled at the memory. So typical of Jack to wait until he was dying to say that, and in such a clumsy way. That was Jack through and through. Jack didn't deal well with openly displaying that sort of thing, or with voicing it Earning Jack's respect was no mean feat. He was a tough nut to crack.  
  
They had never talked about any of that. It was rare that one got to talk to Jack about personal things, or feelings. One could talk to Jack about many subjects but the touchy feely stuff was not generally among them. Jack was a lot more intelligent than he liked to portray himself. Daniel and the rest of his team mates had been frequently surprised by him and he wondered why Jack liked to put on that dumb act.  
  
That Jack didn't like to talk about the way he felt did not mean that he didn't show it sometimes. When they were injured or in trouble he was always visibly upset and concerned about their welfare and he would drop everything to rush to their aid. Many hours of Jack's life had been spent sitting at a beside in the infirmary or pacing like crazy outside while waiting for a prognosis. He recalled Jack hugging him a few times in comfort, or relief that he was safe and well. On those latter occasions the smile on Jack's face would be so wide that it would be hard to see anything else.  
  
Jack compartmentalised things and only opened some of those compartments when totally necessary. Once he opened up the compartment he risked dark thoughts escaping at the same time. It was a little like Pandora's Box. Jack had never wanted to return to that dark place he had found himself in after Charlie's death and Daniel could understand that. He was the only member of the team to have witnessed that bleak period in Jack's life and wouldn't wish such a thing on his worst enemy, let alone his friend.  
  
As he was thinking, Daniel felt the tears pricking at the back of his eyes. Teal'c must have noticed something as he felt the man's huge hand grasp his arm in support. Teal'c was nothing if not observant. He said less but saw more than anyone else. Daniel looked up into Teal'c eyes and could see the sadness there too.  
  
"I'm gonna miss him Teal'c." Daniel said at last.  
  
"As will I." Teal'c paused. "O'Neill was a unique individual. I saw something in him that I see in men rarely."  
  
"What?"  
  
"I am not sure that I can describe it DanielJackson. It is that which made me help you all of those many years ago on Chulak."  
  
"Hey, I know what you mean, Teal'c. Jack was pretty indescribable." He smiled at Teal'c who returned the smile and inclined his head in Teal'c like fashion.  
  
The two of them sat once more in companionable silence, pretending to watch basketball on the TV, all the while thinking of the friend they mutually mourned. Teal'c pondered what he had just said to Daniel, trying to identify that spark in O'Neill that had prompted him to betray Apophis and leave his family.  
  
Before that fateful day he had thought long and hard for many years about how he might become free and help to free his people, never truly believing that it was possible. The best he could do was to minimise the impact of Apophis' cruel whim. It wasn't that he feared martyrdom for his cause but he knew that staying to fight from within was far more effective. He had subtly managed to save many lives over the years, unbeknown to the Goa'uld that proclaimed himself an all knowing god.  
  
O'Neill and SG-1's arrival on Chulak had changed everything. As a result he had both lost and gained much. Lost his wife, son, home, status and the respect of his Jaffa peers; gained friendship like he had never before encountered. At least he had found his son once more, although they saw each other little. The friendship and respect of his team mates was something that Teal'c treasured. He would sorely miss the friendship of O'Neill. What it lacked in words it made up for in the ferocity of O'Neill's unwavering support and loyalty and Teal'c had returned those things in abundance. Neither of them had needed to say it; they both felt it.  
  
Teal'c still did not truly comprehend how he had known that O'Neill was the one. They had barely spoken when they met but he had still known. There was something about O'Neill's bearing and behaviour that had attracted Teal'c's attention. Had Teal'c been a faithful servant to his god, O'Neill may not have survived very long at Teal'c's hands. As First Prime of Apophis, Teal'c might have seriously considered ridding his master of such a perilous threat. He had understood immediately that here was a dangerous enemy, and a powerful ally.  
  
The Tauri often used the expression 'I can't put my finger on it' and Teal'c thought this perfectly described why he'd felt O'Neill was the one. The why was not important. What was important to Teal'c was that he had followed his feelings and had been right to do so. O'Neill had been his friend and he had respected him greatly. He had quickly grown to understand Teal'c and comprehend their similarities and differences and had supported Teal'c through everything, good and bad.  
  
O'Neill was a sad loss to the Tauri and to his friends. Teal'c pondered the reaction of his team mates and knew he must be there for both of them, traumatised in their own different ways by O'Neill's death. He would not let them, or O'Neill, down. O'Neill would never have permitted such a thing and neither would Teal'c.  
  
"Do you think Sam will replace Jack as team leader Teal'c?" Daniel asked, interrupting his thoughts.  
  
"I know not, DanielJackson, but would be pleased if it were so."  
  
"You would follow her lead as you have Jack's? There was always something special between you and Jack. At least that's the way it seemed to me." Teal'c smiled.  
  
"Indeed." Teal'c's sorrowful tone added weight to the word, conveying its meaning clearly, "but I admire MajorCarter and believe she will lead the team well, with our help."  
  
"Our help?"  
  
"Did we not help O'Neill? Is that not the nature of a team? The small parts contribute to the whole?" Daniel laughed at this. How true. It was so typical of Teal'c to see it that way.  
  
"I'd hardly call you a small part Teal'c," he teased, "but yes, we worked well together. Jack was at the heart, though. It's difficult to imagine going out there without him."  
  
"It will not be the first time we will have been without his leadership, DanielJackson."  
  
"Yeah, but I'm kind of dreading that first time when we go on a mission knowing he will never be there with us again. That sucks, as Jack might so eloquently have put it." Once again Teal'c smiled.  
  
"MajorCarter will need our guidance and support DanielJackson."  
  
"And she'll get it Teal'c. Lots of it."  
  
Teal'c nodded. They had an agreement. They would do everything in their power to assist and sustain Sam, starting by helping her deal with O'Neill's loss. Both men had wondered whether she might resign, unable to cope with the blow. They knew well how she felt about Jack, even if she had seemed to lose the thread for a while. That betrayal, which is probably how she would see it, would only serve to make her guilt a greater burden.  
  
Each team member had felt similarly. Should they carry on without him? He would want them to, and this gave them heart and the will to continue. They couldn't let O'Neill down. Sam would come to believe this too, even if she didn't do so now.  
  
When Sam finally made an appearance she looked distraught. Her eyes were red and puffy. They stood up simultaneously, moving towards her, and she reached her arms out to both of them. The three stood in a hug of mutual comfort and Sam's tears fell again. Only Teal'c had ever witnessed her openly crying before and Daniel was surprised she was letting them see that.  
  
Daniel had shed a tear or two, making a complete ass of himself at Jack's memorial service earlier. He didn't care what people thought of him. Many people, particularly in the armed forces, seemed to frown upon such an open display of feelings. Let them frown. Screw them all! His friend was dead and he should be able to grieve as he needed.  
  
He was pleased that Sam was able to let herself cry. He had imagined her bottling up her feelings like Jack did. It would have been the worst thing that she could have done. Crying served a purpose. In this case it was part of the mourning process and helped heal one's wounds.  
  
In memory of Jack they ordered a take out Chinese and Sam and Daniel drank his favourite beer with it. Sam showed Daniel the photograph of the two of them that Jack had left for her and he remembered it well. It had cracked him up that Jack had found it and asked for a copy. Initially he had blustered his way through it with the usual O'Neill bravado.  
  
When Daniel had teasingly feigned reluctance to give him a copy, Jack had turned into schoolboy mode, almost appearing to turn his toes inward, a pleading look in his eyes. Daniel had relented, unable to tease his friend further. What he had thought of as Jack's crush had amused him hugely. Of course he'd been totally wrong about the crush; Jack's feelings had run a whole hell of a lot deeper than that, but Daniel had not realised it back then. It was a long time ago.  
  
When he told Sam about that occasion he could see that it warmed her, providing a happy moment to mingle with the sorrow. They all recalled the mission. It had been uneventful but Jack had been in particularly good humour, even in the face of soil samples, and the banter had been relaxed and entertaining.  
  
"Jack used to keep that photo in his bedside drawer Sam; not in that frame though. I found it by accident when I stayed over one night and was looking for something he'd said was in there." Daniel chuckled at the memory. "I think he remembered too late that he kept it there and came running in to stop me looking. Boy, was he red-faced, and it's not often you saw Jack like that."  
  
As he spoke he held Sam's hand, fondling it absently, needing succour as much as she did.  
  
"So very Jack to hide something like that; ensure no one would know." Whispered Sam, touched by the whole concept. She thought he must have got it copied for her, certain that his original would still be safely tucked away.  
  
"I'll bet he took it out each night and kissed it." Joked Daniel and they all laughed.  
  
"Did he talk to you about it?" She asked curiously.  
  
"Is that a joke? Because I can never tell. Can you tell T?" Daniel said, straight faced and doing a near perfect impersonation of Jack. Sam laughed again and it cheered Daniel to see it, however brief the respite.  
  
"Um... guys?" Sam ventured reticently a little later on. They were all ears. "Would you mind staying here the night?" Sam hated to show weakness, but didn't want to be alone. Not tonight.  
  
"Sure Sam. We've got some stuff in the car."  
  
It gave her solace to know that they had come prepared, just in case she needed them. To have such friends was a wonderful thing. With many long silences in between, they reminisced into the night. Sam told them about the cabin and they discussed what they should so, when they should go. All of them felt sorrow at the idea of going there without Jack, not sure they could face it. Not yet; their emotions were still too raw.  
  
Having settled the boys in, Sam got into bed at last, placing the letter and two photographs on her nightstand. She stared at the photographs for a while thinking that Jack O'Neill had been a very handsome man. Vowing to buy a frame for the picture of the younger Jack the following day, she settled down to read the letter again.  
  
"You changed me for the better. All of you did - my team. I am so proud of you Sam; you and the others." She was honored by those words, and that she'd enhanced his life. How could people who worked so closely together fail to influence each other? That Jack believed it had been for the better meant a lot to her.  
  
"They say that we regret not the things that we did, but the things we didn't do." Spot on, Jack, she thought. Right now she regretted too many things that she hadn't done; never truly confessing her love; never telling him he was more important to her than Pete ever was or could have been; never making love to him; never making that move on him that he had so desperately wanted.  
  
"Maybe you don't feel like that anymore, who knows?" Jack appeared such a self assured person and only occasionally did he let that façade slip. It bothered her that what he had written in this letter demonstrated his low opinion of himself so clearly. Or maybe it wasn't a low opinion, just self effacing and humble, but she knew that the O'Neill mask had concealed a lot of the real him; perhaps more than she had ever imagined. He took great pains to hide things about himself, or to avoid them.  
  
She scanned the letter. "A pretty simple man", that's what he'd said. Who are you trying to kid Jack O'Neill? Now she would never get to know that O'Neill, something she would very much like to have done, persuading him to reveal himself to her piece by glorious piece. What if she hadn't liked what she saw as she peeled away the layers? That was the risk of any relationship and she had been too scared to take it.  
  
Wasn't it the Dalai Lama who had said that great love and great achievements involve great risk? She'd been willing to risk all for great achievements but nothing for love. That made her a pathetic individual, too scared of her own feelings to act on them. Jack had called himself a coward because he couldn't face his fear of rejection; at least that was the way she read it. She was his equal with her own cowardice.  
  
Didn't the Dalai Lama also say something about when you lose you shouldn't lose the lesson? She would need to think long and hard about exactly what lesson she should be learning. It was too late for her and Jack. She had cheated herself by leaving it too late; cheated them both.  
  
"Whatever has happened, or not happened between us, I know you care about me deeply in one way or another so will be upset by my passing." At least he had realised that she sincerely cared about him and wasn't totally ignorant of her feelings. It was a small comfort in the midst of her internal chaos.  
  
"It's helped me a little." It intrigued Sam that writing the letter had allowed him to express those things he had kept well hidden, and had been therapeutic. Maybe it could be the same for her. She resolved to settle down tomorrow and write her own letter to Jack, albeit that he would never read it. Getting things off her chest seemed like a positive choice to make. She desperately needed to do something positive, however hard it might be.  
  
The road to recovery from the recent trauma might be slow going but she had to start walking down it. Self pity was not going to get her very far although revelling in it had its own perverse compensations. She had to empower herself, make herself fit to carry on Jack's work. He would not wish for any of them to give up. The threat to his beloved Earth was still out there. It was the one thing that he had loved above her, that he had sacrificed everything for, and was something worth defending. Jack had worked his ass off for it, had died for it, and she would too if necessary. She couldn't let him down.  
  
All three of his team mates were devastated but they had to stick together and be there for each other. So she also resolved to ensure that this happened. No more skulking in corners crying piteously and shutting the others out. She would bring them even further into her life; support and defend them until the end.  
  
"I love you." Three simple words which were of prime importance. She regretted that she had never heard them from his lips but would settle for them being written by his hand. Had she always known it deep down, been afraid to confront or admit it? Acknowledging it would have meant her facing her own fears and feelings, fears and feelings she now had to meet head on or all would be lost. I love you too, Jack O'Neill, she thought.  
  
She could feel her eyes getting heavy, her eyelids drooping. Time to sleep Sam, she told herself, time to start healing yourself. As she thought that she realised that Jack's letter had helped, just as he had hoped it would. Today had been quite a day, but tomorrow was a fresh start. Putting the letter down carefully on her nightstand she turned to switch off the light. Seeing the picture of them together she smiled to herself. Sweet dreams, Sam, sweet dreams Jack, wherever you are.  
  
Sam awoke to the sounds of activity and the smell of fresh coffee emanating from her kitchen. The guys, or certainly Daniel, were up. Getting ready she went downstairs to join them. She paused in the kitchen doorway to watch her friends. Daniel was whipping up a mixture of some kind in one of her bowls while Teal'c stood nearby setting cutlery and plates on a tray.  
  
"Morning guys." She said and both jumped slightly, turning to face her.  
  
"Oh! Sam!" Explained Daniel, "um, we were going to bring you breakfast in bed." He looked like a schoolboy who had been caught at playing a prank. Sam smiled broadly.  
  
"That's a lovely thought. I'm here now and I'd love us to eat breakfast together." She walked over to them and squeezed an arm of each simultaneously, then leaned to kiss them both on a cheek. They both returned her smile, happy to see her looking so much better; perkier and like the real Sam.  
  
"How you feeling Sam?" Daniel asked and he saw a glimmer of sadness in her eyes.  
  
"I'll be ok, Daniel."  
  
""Don't you dare do a Jack O'Neill on us Sam. You don't have to pretend with us. We're all hurting."  
  
"I didn't say I wasn't hurting, just that I'll be ok." Daniel nodded his understanding and exchanged a look with Teal'c whose faint smile told him that he, too, understood. Sam was fighting back. They were both relieved.  
  
"Alright." He responded, accepting her word. "Pancakes?"  
  
"You make pancakes?"  
  
"Sure. Who doesn't make pancakes?" Sam raised her eyebrows at him as if to say, well me actually. "I could teach you how Sam." She laughed and helped herself from the large mug of coffee Daniel had made, sitting down at the table.  
  
"I'd love some pancakes Daniel. Lots of them. I'm hungry." Daniel beamed delightedly. "Can I help?" He shook his head.  
  
"No. You're queen for the day." He replied and she responded with another titter.  
  
Teal'c picked up the tray and carried it over to the table, placing her things in front of her, and then he sat down.  
  
"How are you feeling Daniel?" She asked.  
  
"I guess I'll be ok too." He replied and she nodded.  
  
"Teal'c?" She looked carefully into the Jaffa's eyes but he could be difficult to read.  
  
"As will I, MajorCarter." She grasped his arm in a comforting gesture and he bowed an acknowledgement.  
  
"Good," she said, "because I need both of you."  
  
It felt nice the three of them here together. It was a time of crises, but they would get through it. Daniel made the pancakes and they ate in companionable silence.  
  
"MajorCarter," Said Teal'c, breaking the silence, "DanielJackson and I would like to accompany you to the Cheyenne Mountain Zoo today." Sam looked quizzical and Daniel shrugged.  
  
"Apparently it's the highest zoo in the country. Teal'c saw it on TV." He explained  
  
"It is located nearby and yet we have never visited." Offered Teal'c.  
  
The zoo? That sounded like good therapy, something to salve the soul. The zoo, with two close friends. Jack probably would have appreciated that.  
  
"Ok, guys," Sam agreed, "Can we go later on? I have an important letter to write this morning."  
  
The End 


	2. Long Enough Sequel to Not Letting Him Do...

Title: Long Enough  
  
Author: Su Freund  
  
Email: su_freund@ficwithfins.com  
  
Website: ficwithfins address can be found in my Fan Fic Net profile  
  
Status: Complete  
  
Category: Angst, Romance  
  
Pairings: Jack & Sam  
  
Spoilers: Very small for Fire and Water and Meridian plus Entity, Chimera, Heroes II  
  
Season: AU, Future  
  
Sequel/Series Info: Sequel to Not Letting him Down  
  
Rating: PG-13  
  
Content Warnings: Minor use of bad language, non explicit references to sex  
  
Summary: Jack returns from the dead  
  
Disclaimer: Stargate SG-1 and its characters are the property of Stargate (II) Productions, Showtime/Viacom, MGM/UA, Double Secret Productions, and Gekko Productions. This story is for entertainment purposes only and no money exchanged hands. No copyright infringement is intended. The original characters, situations, and story are the property of the author. This story may not be posted elsewhere without the consent of the author. Any similarity to real persons, living or dead, is coincidental and not intended by the author. Copyright © 2004 Su Freund  
  
File Size: 80 KB  
  
Archive: My site, Jackfic yes, SJD yes, Gateworld, FanFiction Net  
  
Author's Note: Thanks to the wonderful Bonnie again for her suggestions and corrections, which always make my fic better than when I sent it to her. Any mistakes are entirely my own. On my website, this fic is illustrated by a gorgeous photo manipulation by Jodie Marie which is well worth looking at (book cover art by Fulinn28).  
  
Long Enough  
  
Six weeks after Jack's death:  
  
This could not be happening. She wanted it to be true, was grateful, delirious, but also doubtful and disbelieving, scared and shocked. Frankly, she was unable to make up her mind which emotions she was feeling. If it was true it meant that they had left him behind. How could she ever forgive herself for that? How could he ever forgive her? This was the golden rule that they all took very seriously. She knew what had happened last time Jack had been abandoned by his team; he had not spoken to Frank Cromwell for years, had never forgiven him. Having rushed all the way from home, run from lift to infirmary, she lost her nerve at the door and had to take a deep breath before entering.  
  
It was him. He was alive and very animated, laughing and joking with the others; Daniel, Teal'c, and the General. When he saw her he stopped talking and just looked. She stared back, unable to read him, scared to look too hard. For the last few weeks they had thought him dead. They'd held a memorial service for God's sake. Now here he was very much alive. She had seen him die with her own eyes. This couldn't be true; but it was. She wanted to run over to the bedside and hold him, even just touch him, to ensure he was real. Her heart was screaming her joy, but also her fear.  
  
"Carter." He said at last.  
  
"Colonel." Not knowing what to say she tried to joke, just as he might. "I'm pleased to see that rumours of your death have been exaggerated, Sir."  
  
She smiled a little too brightly and Jack could sense her unease. He really wanted to know what she was thinking. Walking over to him she reached out her hand and lightly touched his hand.  
  
"I'm real Sam." He said softly, subtly returning her touch and searching her face for a more obvious sign of how she felt. She was pale, pinched looking and obviously upset, but he found he couldn't read the thoughts behind her normally expressive eyes. It bothered him.  
  
When he'd woken up on P9X-1957 he'd realised that they would all believe him dead. Goddammit, he'd been as surprised as the next man that he was alive. Obsessing over the letter he had written for Sam had equalled his concerns about getting home, and his recovery from injury. He knew that by the time he got back she would have read it and he was not going to escape his fear and embarrassment after all.  
  
As he was recovering he pictured it in his head. She would rush to hug him, careless of the SGC environs and General Hammond's presence, openly declaring and displaying her feelings, and her pleasure at his return from the dead. Her tears of joy and relief would flow on his shoulder, wetting his infirmary gown, and he would hold her tight, comfortingly.  
  
They would go for a candlelit dinner and dance the night away. Then he would take her home with him and she would never leave. They'd become the life partners that he yearned for them to be, bringing the happiness and love that he craved back in his life. He had been alone, and lonely, for too long.  
  
It was like something out of a corny old movie. Jack knew it would never happen like that and surprised himself by even fantasising something so unrealistic. He chalked it up to being drugged half the time, and delirious. That was his excuse and, by God, he was sticking to it.  
  
He was fully aware that she would be pleased to see him alive; whatever else she felt he was sure of her friendship and respect. As for the rest of it he was no longer confident. He had lost the ability to distinguish her feelings of comradeship from anything else. Once, he had been certain of her love for him, now he was scared it was too late for them.  
  
So at other times his picture was totally different. Of course she would be happy to see him, but reticent, and embarrassed by the feelings he had revealed in his letter, knowing that she could no longer return them. Eventually he would be forced to confront her, and that idea made him shudder. Then she would tell him that he was too late, she loved Pete now and not him. Worse, she would laugh at him.  
  
At heart he knew that she was very unlikely to humiliate him by laughing. It was not in Sam's nature to behave so insensitively. Nevertheless, Jack still played that scenario in his head.  
  
As a result, Jack had been both dreading and anticipating her arrival at the mountain. She must have flown like the wind to get here so fast. What did that tell him? Anything? She looked as if she was going to burst into tears. Tears of joy? That was a good sign. She tried to smile again but it turned into a grimace. He could see her fear, smell it. What was she scared of? Then suddenly he realised, as if he could read her mind.  
  
"I was dead, Carter. You weren't seeing things, none of you were. You did the right thing getting the others home; saving your own butts." He was trying to assure her that he didn't believe she had deserted him, but making a hash of it. Whispering very softly so that the others couldn't hear, he added, "you didn't leave me behind Sam." He brushed the back of her hand with his fingertips. He was following his gut and hoping he'd got it right. Coughing, and bringing them back to reality, Hammond interrupted.  
  
"Well, Jack, it's good to have you back."  
  
Hammond felt slightly uncomfortable, as if he shouldn't be there, and maybe he shouldn't. He wondered whether this would be the defining event; the thing that finally turned O'Neill and Carter towards each other and destroyed SG-1 as he knew it. Perhaps it was time for things to change.  
  
"I'll expect a full debrief when you are cleared Colonel." He said and left the room, not quite believing that he was making a tactful withdrawal which might allow two of his officers to infringe the regs.  
  
Sam was still reeling from what Jack had just said and didn't absorb the implication of what had happened with the General. So he had been dead?  
  
"W...what happened?" She stammered.  
  
Daniel and Teal'c were wondering whether they should sneak away too. It appeared that Jack and Sam only had eyes for each other. Daniel voiced it.  
  
"Um, Teal'c and I have to go..." he gesticulated, waving one arm wildly, trying to think of something, "go... do..."  
  
"We have an important artefact to translate, do we not, DanielJackson?" Teal'c came to his rescue.  
  
"Yeah, right. An important artefact." Daniel smiled his relief, and thanks, to his friend.  
  
"Don't go guys." Jack interjected. He was too nervous to be on his own with Sam right now. Besides, this was not the place even if it might be the time. "I want to be with my team again."  
  
He was genuinely pleased to see all of them, and needed their proximity. The medical tests had taken a while so there'd been no time to talk, or to bask in the comfort of their companionship, since his return.  
  
Sam's mind was in disarray. After all the sorrow, anger and pain over the last few weeks this was all too much for her. She was still shocked by his presence. He doesn't want to be alone with me? Is that significant? Have his feelings changed? All these thoughts ran through her head.  
  
"I... I..." She managed to say, then turned on her heel and swiftly left the room. She lacked courage and was annoyed with herself. Still unable to face those feelings of yours, Sam? She asked. Despite everything you've been thinking? Could you only face them when you thought he was gone? She ran to lock herself in her lab. You have to pull yourself together Sam, she lectured herself, you are a Major in the US Air Force, not a love smitten teenager. She felt more like a love smitten teenager though.  
  
Back in the infirmary Jack gaped, open mouthed, at her retreat.  
  
"What the hell...?" He turned to the others for help with his confusion.  
  
"She's been pretty upset Jack." Daniel said, as if it explained everything.  
  
"Indeed." Agreed Teal'c.  
  
*************************  
  
Jack thought back over the last few weeks, much of which was just a drugged out haze. He remembered being hit by the staff blast and had felt himself slip away to his death, to nothingness. Then he had woken in a small hut stunned that he was alive. He felt like crap, in pain and unable to move very well, but it beat being dead! He called out, asking if anyone was there and a woman had entered the hut. She reminded him a little of Lya of the Nox. Were these people also Nox? That might explain how he had been brought back from the dead. Was there more than one Nox planet?  
  
"Um, where am I? I thought I was dead." He said to the woman, thinking that it was a weird way to start a conversation. "What happened?"  
  
"I'm Casta," She bowed to him. "you suffered great injury and we brought you back to life, Colonel O'Neill."  
  
"Um...well...um...thanks." He paused, then realised something. "How do you know who I am?"  
  
"Are you not famous?" Jack couldn't help but smile, wishing the rest of his team could hear this. "Even we have heard of the Tauri and the great SG-1 who fight the Goa'uld. We are not entirely cut off from the universe, Colonel. It is an honour to meet you. We saved you because we knew who you were."  
  
"I'm... well... I'm grateful. Thank you." He took the drink she offered him, taking a few slow sips, then continued. "you remind me of a race I've met called the Nox. Are you of the Nox?  
  
"Not exactly Colonel. I will try to explain when you are better. You must recover, you must rest."  
  
He recalled that when the Nox had brought him back to life he had been totally fit immediately. This time he felt like he needed a couple of weeks in the infirmary, so it was not the same. His curiosity was peaked but his eyelids were heavy; he was woozy and could feel himself drifting. The woman had drugged him. She approached, humming a sorrowful tune, and he fell into a long deep sleep.  
  
************************  
  
Jack came back to himself realising that Daniel was talking to him.  
  
"I'm sorry Daniel, I wasn't listening."  
  
"Something that I am more than used to Jack." Daniel replied sarcastically. "hey I knew I'd missed something around here." Jack smiled a response.  
  
"Am I that bad?"  
  
"Sure you are Jack. It's just one of your huge number of irritating quirks, all of which I have missed in one way or another over the last few weeks. It's good to have you alive and home Jack." He smiled broadly.  
  
"What were you saying?" Jack enquired.  
  
Teal'c took over.  
  
"DanielJackson was explaining about MajorCarter, O'Neill. She has not been herself."  
  
"Upset?" Jack asked and Teal'c inclined his head.  
  
"Indeed." He replied. "As were we all, my friend." Jack smiled an acknowledgement at Teal'c  
  
"She went to my lawyers, right?" Teal'c nodded, "She got the letter and the package?" He nodded again. "Did she talk about it?" This time Teal'c shook his head.  
  
"Only the photograph. We spent the night reminiscing about that mission... other missions... stuff we'd done together..." Daniel tailed off, shrugging.  
  
"I need to talk to her Daniel." Jack replied quietly. He was disappointed, uncertain how to interpret her swift exit and fighting his rising panic over the letter. Why had she gone running off like that?  
  
"I understand Jack. I'll go find her."  
  
"No!" Jack cried. "When she's ready to talk, Daniel, we'll talk. Please stay, tell me how you've all been, what I've missed... everything. Don't go racing off to translate artefacts." He noticed the slightly shamed-faced look on Daniel's face. "No artefacts, huh?"  
  
They'd been trying to leave him and Sam alone? He wondered what they had been discussing while convinced he was dead. That had to be another good sign, right? He considered asking outright but thought better of it. Not only did it give too much of himself away, but it was Sam herself he needed to talk to. Jack resolved to force the issue with her as soon as possible, although the prospect still filled him with trepidation.  
  
O'Neill lay back and listened, happy to let Daniel ramble, even when he was near incoherent because he was babbling so quickly. Jack was used to, but not always tolerant of, it. Even Teal'c was pretty animated - for a Jaffa. Both men were gratified that Jack was alive and well, and happy to spend as much time with him as they could. Each had missed him in their own way. They deliberately avoided the subject of Sam, not wishing to further agitate O'Neill.  
  
A nurse came to shoo them away insisting that the Colonel should rest. He protested as he thought he had rested quite enough on the planet. To no avail as always; doctors orders yadda, yadda, yadda.  
  
Teal'c bowed to his friend before he left.  
  
"It has been... different here in your absence, O'Neill." He said.  
  
"Hey, it's great you missed me T but I have been absent before." Jack replied, slightly embarrassed, but pleased, by Teal'c's words.  
  
"But you have always been here for me, O'Neill. This time..." He gasped O'Neill's arm, "this time I believed you would never return. It was... discomforting."  
  
Jack returned Teal'c's grasp and merely nodded his head, a slight smile on his face. On their way out he saw Daniel slap Teal'c on the back in a brotherly gesture and his smile broadened. He was pleased to see two thirds of his team so tight. What about the other third?  
  
Jack dozed off and was awoken a few hours later by the bustle of activity. He was so caught up in thought that he barely listened as the doctor gave him a clean bill of health and said he could go home after he had briefed General Hammond. He was told to take a few days R&R and to report back for another check up on his return so that he could be passed fit for duty.  
  
At the briefing he was distracted as he tried to explain what had happened on P9X-1957. Sam sat silent throughout, avoiding his gaze, which fell on her frequently.  
  
**************************  
  
He had fallen in and out of consciousness over the coming days spent in the hut. Casta would appear almost immediately when he was awake, as if she knew. After checking his progress she gave him food and drink and sat by him silently while he ate. Normally she would say little, although he pressed. Then one day, when he had finished, she began to talk.  
  
"We were of the Nox. Our ancestors were exiled here many moons ago."  
  
"Exiled? Why?"  
  
"We did not agree with all of the Nox ways. We believed we should use our power to fight evil in this universe, not hide like cowards."  
  
"So why aren't you out there fighting?"  
  
"We are not as strong as our Nox ancestors and there are too few."  
  
"How come?"  
  
"There were few of us in the beginning. A race of humans also inhabits this world. Over many generations we have lived together in harmony and interbred. We are no longer Nox and do not possess their superior powers. This is why you are not already totally fit and healthy. Our healing has been diluted by the human blood. It requires great effort to return someone from the dead and I am one of the few who is able to do so. If more of us were here we may have helped heal you more adequately, but I have to rely on our conventional medicine. My apologies, Colonel O'Neill."  
  
She bowed her head mutely and Jack nodded his understanding. Whatever she was doing was definitely working as he felt much improved, but he badly wanted to get home.  
  
"How long have I been here?"  
  
"Many days." She saw his frustration. "I doubt we measure time the same as you do Colonel. 25 of our days."  
  
He wanted to ask how many hours were in a day, but then wondered how many minutes were in an hour or hours in a day? Oy! He didn't think he was up to getting his brain round that. 25 days would have to do.  
  
"I need to go home." He said simply.  
  
"I understand Colonel. You must give yourself time to recover. Your injury was serious."  
  
"I guess you don't get much more serious than dead." He quipped. "I can recover back on Earth."  
  
"The elders will not let you leave yet."  
  
"Why the hell not?"  
  
"They wish to speak to you, but you are not recovered enough."  
  
"I can come back."  
  
"Maybe. It is not for me to say. I must leave you now."  
  
Further enquiries had been frustrated at every turn. Although Casta willingly told him more of their history, and was equally eager to find out about his world, she would not discuss him going home or what the elders might want with him. However, once he was able to move around more easily, he was summoned to a meeting with the them. Leaving the hut for the first time he was surprised by the large size of the village. Casta led him to a bigger hut not too far away, bowed low to the elders and deposited him there. It had been an interesting discussion.  
  
*****************************  
  
"So they want our protection?" Hammond said, surprised by that turn of events.  
  
"I told them we could help them learn to defend themselves better Sir." O'Neill replied. "It seems they're no longer able to defend themselves like their Nox brethren. Their exile has worked against them over the years."  
  
"I'm sure we can arrange something Colonel. Anything else?"  
  
"They want us to broker contact with the Nox on their home world, General." Hammond and the others were startled.  
  
"We hardly have any contact ourselves. How are we meant to do that?" Asked the General.  
  
"I only promised to try sir. Perhaps we can use that Tollan doohickey to contact the Nox? It sure would be nice to see the gorgeous Lya again, General."  
  
He smiled broadly and, seeing Sam look at him for the first time, he returned her gaze. She was smiling, then he noticed her suppress a laugh and she looked down at the table to hide it. It warmed him inside.  
  
"I'll see what I can do Colonel. Did they say why?"  
  
"I think they might want to find others amongst the Nox who feel like them. Um... reading between the lines, Sir, I believe they want to...um... strengthen their Nox traits."  
  
"You mean inter-breed with pure Nox?"  
  
"Yes Sir. But they are agreeable to becoming our allies, so that may be a good thing. It never hurts to have allies General." A ghost of a smile appeared on Jack's face and Hammond nodded, thinking that Jack looked haggard and hoping it wasn't a mistake to send him home.  
  
"One thing Jack," Daniel interjected, "When we left the planet we were losing. What happened? If they could defeat the Jaffa then why do they need us?"  
  
"Why is that you always ask the unanswered questions, Daniel?" Jack asked, smiling, "I'm not sure I really understand the answer to that one. I think they fear attack by Goa'uld ships, which they could not defeat. Maybe a few Jaffa aren't a problem... but someone's gonna miss 'em."  
  
"So they can't make themselves invisible anymore?" Daniel responded, curious about the extent of these people's powers. Jack shrugged and scrubbed his hands through his hair wearily. Hammond decided he should go home.  
  
"Alright. I think that's enough for now. I'll consider it and we'll discuss it again when you return to work Colonel. I would like a detailed report on your return, with as much information about these people and their history as you can provide. I am sure Dr Jackson will find that of use and it can help us to decide how to take this forward. I will be seeking your advice on this matter, Dr Jackson."  
  
"Yes, General, of course." Daniel looked forward to it with enthusiasm and nodded at Hammond as he rose from his seat.  
  
"Dismissed. I expect you to go home forthwith, Colonel."  
  
"Yes Sir." Hammond smiled warmly at his subordinate and grasped his shoulder.  
  
"I'm very happy that it was a false alarm this time son. You've been missed."  
  
"Thank you Sir."  
  
Jack turned to catch Sam and found her looking at him. She didn't try to run this time, staying behind as the others left the briefing room. Daniel and Teal'c exchanged glances and beat a hasty retreat, leaving them alone.  
  
"I'm happy it was a false alarm too sir." She said, smiling faintly.  
  
"You don't seem to be that happy about it." He said, thoughtlessly, and Sam shifted uncomfortably.  
  
"It's... it's just such a shock. A good shock though." He nodded, then plunged on not quite knowing how to handle the situation. Be blunt O'Neill, he thought, she's used to it.  
  
"Sam, I..." He reddened and Sam looked at her feet, also embarrassed. Neither of them was very good at confronting their feelings, or openness  
  
"Colonel, I... I don't think this is the right place, do you?"  
  
"I guess not. How about driving me home? I don't think I actually own a vehicle anymore." He smiled and she laughed.  
  
"Oh yeah, I forgot."  
  
"Have I even got a house?" Realising it was entirely possible that he was homeless. Sam laughed at his tone, irreverent as ever.  
  
"Yes Sir. We couldn't bring ourselves to... well... you know."  
  
He did know. It had happened twice over with Daniel and he remembered very well how it felt to try sorting through the effects of a dead friend. He had often wondered how Sara had coped with Charlie's things. He'd let her deal with it alone, turned his back on everything. What a bastard he'd been! He brought himself back to the here and now, trying to concentrate on his goal.  
  
"Maybe we could..."  
  
"Talk?" She finished for him.  
  
"If you want to."  
  
Sam realised that he was just as nervous as she was. He had never expected to see her after she'd read his letter and must be wondering what she was thinking. She could understand that he would desperately need to know how she felt but couldn't bring herself to speak of it while they were still on the base.  
  
"Ok. Let's go." She agreed.  
  
They both changed into their civvies and silently made their way to the surface. Sam had used Jack's truck to come into the mountain today, it was quicker. When she had got the call that he'd turned up alive she hadn't been able to think straight. She must have broken every traffic law on her way to the mountain and had been lucky she hadn't been pulled over by traffic cops.  
  
Jack ran his finger over the hood of his truck.  
  
"It's ok, you can have it back." Sam said jauntily and he grinned.  
  
"Oh? Then can I drive?"  
  
"No! Let me, one last time? It's a sweet ride, Sir." He nodded agreement. After all, legally it was her truck.  
  
The silence wasn't broken again until they were halfway down the mountain.  
  
"Sam..."  
  
"Jack, please don't, not until we get home." 'Jack'? He interpreted that as a good sign and shut his mouth again, not wanting to jinx it.  
  
Sam noticed that he was fidgeting all the time as she drove. Perhaps she should have let him drive; given him something else to think about. Making a decision about what to do she took a sharp turn to the left.  
  
"Sam, this doesn't go to my place."  
  
"No Jack, it goes to mine." 'Jack' again. Once more he was silent. There must be a reason that she wanted to go there, maybe she needed to be on home turf. That was fine by him.  
  
"Coffee? Drink?" She asked as they walked into her house a while later.  
  
"Got any beer?"  
  
"Sure."  
  
Jack followed her into the kitchen and watched as she bent into the fridge to get the beer. She's very beautiful, he thought, inclined to walk up behind her and take her in his arms but stopping himself from being so presumptuous. He wanted to touch her, the only feeling of familiarity with her having been the light brush of hands in the infirmary earlier.  
  
Sam felt the same way and was holding back. She damned herself for that, wishing she had the courage to just take hold of him and clearly demonstrate her feelings. This all seemed so unreal and she still hadn't got her head around it.  
  
They went into her living room and sat down to drink the beer.  
  
"I, um, read your letter." She said, eventually.  
  
"I figured." Jack looked embarrassed and even more anxious than he had before. He swallowed hard to mask his nerves, willing her to say something positive. "It was clumsy and childish and you deserved better." Now he looked back on it what he had written for her seemed very lame.  
  
"No Jack, not that. Not at all like that. It was... was... um... pretty breathtaking." That sounded kind of positive.  
  
"Breathtaking? That sounds like a good thing. Is it a good thing Sam?"  
  
"Yeah, good."  
  
"Good." He grinned. This was ridiculous; neither of them could quite bring themselves to say whatever needed to be said.  
  
"I still can't quite believe that you're here, alive." Her voice was shaking and when he looked into her eyes he saw they were watery. "It all seems like a dream."  
  
"It's no dream, Sam, I am here. Got used to me not being here?"  
  
"No. Never." She smiled, reaching for his hand and grasping it tightly. "God, it's really you."  
  
Abruptly she let go, got up, and walked over to the window, staring outside. He knew that tears were falling from her eyes and she didn't want him to see her weakness, but he wanted and needed to. So he followed his instinct and walked over to her, turning her to face him. It was a rare and precious thing to witness Sam crying.  
  
"Come here."  
  
He took her into his arms, holding her close and feeling the sobs shake her body, his shirt getting wet from her salty tears. That part of his fantasy was true at least; clothes wet from her tears.  
  
"I can't bear to lose you again Jack."  
  
Now feeling more confident that he knew her heart, he softly kissed her cheeks where the tears were starting to dry, and then her forehead, pulling her into another hug when he'd finished.  
  
"Well I'm not leaving any time soon. Come," he took her hand and led her back to the couch, "you need tissues." Sitting her down, he reached into his pocket and withdrew a tissue, crouching down in front of her and wiping her tears away. "More?" He asked.  
  
"Kitchen."  
  
Dutifully, he fetched the box, handing it to her as he sat down and wrapped his arm around her shoulder. Sam blew her nose and then lay her head on his shoulder, leaning into his neck. It was good to feel his strong arms encircling her; more evidence that he was truly here. She could easily have thought it a hallucination, something that she had wished for but would never achieve.  
  
"Would you think me crazy if I said I'd written one to you? A letter?" She said after a few minutes silence, in which she savoured his presence and his masculine smell.  
  
"Oh? I... I don't know."  
  
"You said yours had helped, was therapeutic, and boy did I need that. So I wrote one. I never thought you'd be around to see it, of course."  
  
"No. I... I..." Jack wasn't sure what to think. This was all so damned discombobulating.  
  
"I'd like you to read it. That's why I brought you here."  
  
"Read it? I... are you sure?" He felt her nod. "Is this like a I'll show you mine if you show me yours kind of thing?" He teased and she giggled. It never ceased to amaze, and sometimes irritate, Sam that Jack could crack a joke in almost any situation. She knew it was a defence mechanism. He was both curious and fearful of what she might have said in a letter to him.  
  
"I'll get it." She left his embrace and went off to the den to retrieve the letter. Having plucked up the courage to let him read it, he must do it now before she lost it again.  
  
When she leaned to give it to him she briefly kissed his lips and stroked his cheek but, as he reached up to pull her head towards him for a deeper kiss, she stood up and moved away.  
  
"Read it first Jack, it says more than I can speak in words." He could relate to that. "I don't want to be here when you read it. I'll go..." She gestured towards the doorway.  
  
"Oh, I... sure Sam. Whatever you want." He already missed the feel of her in his arms.  
  
With a little trepidation he opened the envelope. Why was he still so nervous? She had already demonstrated her feelings for him. He sighed thinking it couldn't be that simple, that nothing ever was with he and Sam.  
  
Unlike his letter, this one had been written on her laptop. Jack pictured her intently bending over her keyboard, frantically typing away. He'd watched her do that many times, pausing in her doorway at the SGC. He liked to watch her.  
  
"My Darling Jack"  
  
He smiled at that. Darling Jack. It sounded good - more than good. He hoped to hear it from her lips. Maybe he would later.  
  
"The last few days have been hell, possibly the worst in my life. It feels that way right now. Emotionally I've been up and down like one of your damned yo-yos. I've been desperately trying to keep control, working too hard to take my mind off things, not succeeding at anything because I can't concentrate. I'm exhausted. Mourning your loss is taking everything I've got. I know you are gone forever but I'm finding it hard to face, Jack. How could you do that to me you bastard? You were never meant to die!"  
  
No I wasn't, thought Jack, and I never wanted to leave you Sam. He had some inkling of how he might have felt had their positions been reversed. More than once he'd thought he might lose her forever. He'd even believed that he had killed her when killing an entity that had once possessed her. That had taken him to a very bleak place for a while. It was a hard thing to kill someone you love. The ultimate price for the people of Earth and much harder than dying himself.  
  
"You've broken my heart and I know it will take a long time for me to get over it, if I ever do. I need to pull myself together so I can carry on with your work and ensure your sacrifice was worthwhile. Worthwhile? How could it ever be that? But I can't let you down Jack; it's simply not an option. I also need to be there for Daniel and Teal'c. They are both devastated by your loss and I let them down when they needed me most by pushing them away. It was entirely selfish and I feel bad about it. We all need each other. So, you see, I can't afford to let myself fall apart, however easy that would be."  
  
Way to go, Sam! He was proud at the determined tone, that she was trying to beat her grief. Jack was not so sure that he could do likewise if the shoe was on the other foot.  
  
"You would have been proud of the memorial service we held for you in the gate room, the wonderful things that General Hammond said. It seriously disturbed me that we couldn't bring your body home. You deserved a lot more than being disposed of so anonymously – a hero's funeral. The General tried to compensate at the memorial and did a good job. He, too, is devastated by your loss. I have never seen him quite so affected, except perhaps by Janet's death. He tries to carry on regardless but bears the weight of it; the burden of guilt that we all share. I don't think a single one of us hasn't thought about giving up. It seems we all feel the same way about letting you down; we must force ourselves onwards to carry on the fight, just as you would have."  
  
A hero's funeral? He wasn't entirely confident that it was deserved but was pleased that they thought it was, particularly Sam. That was something special. It had never occurred to him that she might consider him a hero. After all, she saw him virtually every day. Heroes were not regular guys like him, they were extraordinary people. Was he extraordinary? He didn't think so, just ordinary. Nevertheless, a huge grin appeared on his face on realising that she thought of him that way.  
  
"You will be sorely missed, Jack. How can I find the proper words to express that? It seems too little to say. You will be missed by the SGC, our allies, your friends and colleagues and, not least, by me. I don't think I will ever stop missing you. You always were larger than life, truly unique, a great man. I know you were far too self-effacing to know that for yourself and I wish I had told you while you were still alive. I don't think I ever met anyone who I respected and admired more than you. Sometimes you could be infuriating, often quirky and child-like, but you were also a brilliant team leader, far more intelligent than you liked to admit, funny and often charming - and many other things. Your smile lit my life too."  
  
The grin grew even further. 'Unique' and 'great' were not words that he associated with himself. Sam thought of him that way? He was increasingly stunned. Sam was the extraordinary person, one in a million; possibly one in a lot more than a million. It delighted him that she saw something in him that was above the average, although he worried that she might be looking through rose tinted glasses. He hoped not; that could lead to disaster when she discovered that he was just like any other man. He was glad that she had seen through his dumb act, though. Sam could never be happy with a stupid man. Even he was willing to admit that he was far from stupid.  
  
"Then I got your letter and parcel and was very deeply moved. You certainly are full of surprises. You think you know someone and then find you don't. I would never have expected that letter from you, or that you would confess to those feelings in that way. It was a revelation and something I will treasure forever - more than anything else that you left for me or could have ever given me. You would never believe the number of times I have read it. I feel the tears pricking at my eyes again at the feelings it provokes. Goddammit Jack, I don't know how to respond to it. It's made me happy and sad and filled me with despair and hope. Crazy, huh?"  
  
He was saddened that the letter has upset her when he had hoped it would help. It had obviously served to confuse although it seemed there was some good mixed in with the bad. Just see what else she has to say Jack, he thought, still disbelieving that she had written such a letter, or allowed him to read its contents. Neither of them was generally very open about their feelings and he felt honored that she was opening up to him at last.  
  
"I always loved you, but was too afraid to do anything about it."  
  
He gasped at that. There it was in black and white, what he had always wanted to hear. Why was she afraid of it? Reflecting, he realised that they both were. What a pair they were. He reread the sentence, then continued.  
  
"I always loved you, but was too afraid to do anything about it. I deeply regret that you never knew and were so uncertain of how I felt, and hate that you died without that knowledge. I regret a lot of things and there is nothing I can do about any of them now. That's the biggest one of all - I left it too late."  
  
Never too late, Sam, never.  
  
"You write me a letter asking me not to regret, to move on with my life. Now I have read some of those thoughts and feelings you normally kept hidden I feel even more sorrow. That's so like you. You mentioned your blundering use of words and you've got that both right and wrong. You said some things that I always wanted to hear, including those three words that I both yearned for and feared the most."  
  
Jack smiled that she wanted to hear those words too, but understood that fear.  
  
"It was foolish of me to run and hide from those feelings, but I did. I knew that if anything ever happened between us I was probably committed for life and that scared the hell out of me."  
  
Committed for life? Wow! He had to pause for a moment while he thought about the implications of that. His stomach churned but it was a good feeling. He knew he was committed and had known it for a long time. That she might be too was both a pleasant surprise and a joy.  
  
"I'm not sure why as I want to believe we would have been great together. Spending a life together? Right now I'd give almost anything to spend five minutes with you; to take you in my arms, feel your touch and your breath on my face; maybe a kiss if I was very lucky."  
  
Lucky? He took a deep breath, almost getting up to go find her and take her in his arms again. She needed to hide from him while he read it, despite his confession of feelings. Still nervous? Still hiding? It was fine to confess all this to the dead, but to the living? He empathised given that he had never felt able express or act on his own feelings. His letter had been his sole means of communicating his hopes and dreams to her, and he had never anticipated being around for the fallout. The repercussions looked pretty good for him, though. He could be the lucky one.  
  
"If you were reading this you would probably realise that I'm not really that intelligent and wonderful woman you speak of; she is someone else. I am pretty dumb when it comes to some of the most important things in life. The problem is not realising how important they are until it's too late; how important you are – and you still are Jack. How can I ever forget you? Or forgive you for getting yourself killed before we even had a chance. I lament that we never gave ourselves that opportunity; that we both thought there were more important things to do.  
  
I'm angry with you Jack. I want to slap your face, punch you, and beat you! You left me. I never truly expected you to do that, relied on you to always be there, and it is difficult to accept that you have gone. Maybe I was wrong to take for granted that you would be there for me, no matter what. I always knew that, despite everything. I wasn't ready to accept all the implications and consequences of that reality, or to face my fears of it. You aren't the only one who was a coward."  
  
It seemed she might be ready now. Why else would she have given him this to read? His excitement mounted.  
  
"I find myself agreeing with so much of what you said in your letter, yet fundamentally disagreeing with parts of it. My life was definitely better for having you in it. You were always my favourite pain in the ass! That gaping hole that you talk about is becoming part of my everyday life. Maybe someday I'll get used to it. It's way too soon for that as my emotions are still too raw. Daniel assures me that it will get better although it'll never leave me entirely. I will be able to cope eventually. I truly hope I have the strength."  
  
You are just about the strongest woman I ever met Sam, Jack thought, its one of the things I love so much about you.  
  
"I'm flattered that you think I changed you for the better. Maybe we all gave you a different perspective. I know it irritated you that I could be too much the curious scientist and not enough of the wary soldier. We could accuse you of being cautious in always considering the worst case scenario, but so often you turned out to be right on the mark. It saved our lives many times. Besides, that was one of your strengths, and part of your job. I guess that's something you taught me, although it took me a long time to grasp it. You were right about me being too much of the scientist.  
  
So you were also right in thinking that you changed me too, making me a better person. I'm more well balanced (although still a little flaky!), have improved my judgement of people and situations. There are so many ways in which I have changed. I hope I am ready to take your place and lead SG-1 if that is what is required of me. If I am it is entirely thanks to you. You made me a stronger person, and a whole hell of a lot wiser.  
  
You also taught me something much more significant - about love and what real love means. I thought I knew, but I was wrong. That may be the most important lesson I could have learned. Maybe one day I can love someone else again and if I can give myself to that person freely it will be because of you. You are one hell of a teacher Jack."  
  
He thought she could not have paid him a higher compliment.  
  
"You were so right about regretting the things you didn't do. I also regret the things I didn't say. You were the one, Jack, that special man in my life. We never did the things that we should have. I longed to make love to you, wake up with you lying next to me in the morning, spend more time with you and get to know the real Jack O'Neill. All of those things were too normal for us. We had to be different and love each other from afar. It went on for too long; we let it and shouldn't have. We should have been paying more attention. "  
  
The words took Jack on a flight of fancy, imagining making love to her and waking up in the same bed. He longed for the same things. She was right, they should have paid more attention to themselves. Funny how a little thing like death can focus the mind. Good thing it hadn't been permanent; it looked like life might get a lot more interesting.  
  
"As you suspected I did laugh at the notion of Jack O'Neill the shrinking violet. Laughter helps to ease the pain a little, did you know that? The great Jack O'Neill nervous, gauche and embarrassed? It pains me that you felt like that but I guess I felt the same. If you walked into the room right now I would probably still feel like that. Sometimes we seemed to fit together like a pair of well worn gloves. Whenever our feelings were threatening to expose themselves we closed up, felt awkward and discomforted. There were notable exceptions but too few of them. I really wish the exceptions had been the rule - things might have been so very different between us. We missed something remarkable in our lives because of it."  
  
I can't exactly promise to be open, he thought, but I can promise not to be closed. She thought they would be good together. He did too and wanted that something different between them, something remarkable. What if they were wrong? He did not want to consider that possibility.  
  
"I know that the relationship I had with Pete hurt you Jack and I could kick myself for that."  
  
The name stung, sending a pain searing through his heart. In his excitement, and nerves, he had almost forgotten Pete. When he'd realised that there was a man in her life it had disconcerted and bewildered him, although he had tried hard not to show it, as was his norm. He had never taken it for granted that Sam would be a feature of his future life, but had hoped. The reality of Pete had almost, but not entirely, shattered that hope.  
  
He knew Sam cared about him a lot, but wasn't sure how much or in what way she cared. He'd needed her friendship, support and respect more than her love. As she still provided him with those things he relied on the most in his life he had settled for that, knowing it would never be enough. Jack took a deep breath and continued.  
  
"Hurting you was the last thing I wanted but I had to be proactive with my life and take a risk. I thought I had found a good thing, but in the end realised that he could never replace you in my heart. It wasn't fair to any of us to keep on with it so I told him I wouldn't see him again. It happened a while ago, before you died, but I never told you. That was stupid and selfish as I just let you continue feeling the pain."  
  
She'd dumped Pete? The pain diminished and he calmed, now believing that everything would be alright.  
  
"You were worth so much more than you seem to think you deserve and, when it comes down to it, I treated you poorly. You didn't deserve that either. You think you would never have made me happy, that you would have somehow tarnished me, and been an embarrassment. It saddens me a great deal that you were so lacking in self esteem and confidence about your abilities as plain old Jack O'Neill. I can't quite believe that I didn't long ago fall off that pedestal you seem to have put me on Jack. You can't tarnish someone who is already flawed and I'm not so wonderful."  
  
You are pretty wonderful Sam, he thought, but I know you have faults. I don't want to worship you on a pedestal, I want us to be real. I'm battered and bruised, hardly a prime choice, and honored beyond belief that you might pick me.  
  
"Waiting for me to make a move, Jack? You would have been waiting one heck of a long time. Not because I didn't want it, believe me, I did. I just didn't have the courage. You write about not being able to face or overcome your fear? My God, Jack, I'm the world champion at that. So you aren't the only coward, not by a long shot."  
  
I always knew that you never would make that move, Sam, he reflected, but it didn't stop me from praying that you would.  
  
"All you probably ever needed to do was ask and I would have been there. I know it's easy to say that with hindsight. I can guarantee that I would never have let it be that simple in real life. I can screw up even the simplest things when it comes to my personal life and feelings. Good at my job, in the SGC, crap once I leave the mountain. If you had ever tried to take it further I probably would have run. It wasn't you I was hiding from, Jack, it was me; my misgivings, failures and fears. What was I so scared of? I craved the love you could have given me. All those wasted years.  
  
You always said that you thought too little and I thought too much. Maybe I do think too much, but you were never as uncomplicated as you liked to pretend. Don't think for a minute that I didn't see through that façade, it was one of many masks that you wore Jack. I would like to have got to know that complex, intelligent, loving, giving, and fascinating man called Jack O'Neill. The gruff exterior with the soft centre.  
  
Jack laughed. Little did Sam know that under the gruff exterior lurks a gruff interior!  
  
"I never could have come to the cabin with you Jack. As you say, we both know what would have happened. I wish I had, but it's another thing that's too late. I would love to share that place you hold so close to your heart. The picture you paint of us on the dock, my head in your lap, haunts my thoughts. I want to be there. One of my variations has a couple of kids playing around us. You are really great with kids."  
  
Kids? Sam was imagining them with kids? Jack's heart soared. He ordered himself to calm down; it's early days yet Jack, too soon to be thinking such things. Besides, he hadn't done such a great job as a dad the first time around. The thought deflated his enthusiasm. Don't dwell on that Jack; this should be a good moment, shouldn't it?  
  
"I never intended to hurt you with my refusals and always thought you asked me knowing I'd say no. I'm so sorry.  
  
I'm sure I would have loved it there, despite the lack of quarks and naquada generators. Am I that bad? The answer is yes, of course. I never stopped to see the things of beauty unless you pointed them out to me. That's pathetic. I will watch the skies through your telescope and remember you always; the beauty of the stars. That idea makes me smile."  
  
The image appealed to Jack immensely. His version had them both stargazing, his arm around her, a kiss, and then maybe... more. He pondered that for a couple of minutes.  
  
"You are right about that powerful bond between us. It has not been severed by your death, and will always be there in my heart and mind.  
  
Of course I knew you found me attractive when we first met; likewise. You were an extremely handsome and sexy man. I don't think you realised quite how drop dead gorgeous you always were. You were far too modest for that. Men like you are normally egotistical and narcissistic. You had your moments, but don't we all?"  
  
Drop dead gorgeous? She thought that? Wow!  
  
"Ditto about controlling the growth of feelings. I always was too fearful of losing control - of anything and everything. You were no exception. I certainly had to make a supreme effort to keep myself in check while you were around. You could flip my heart in an instant, totally overwhelm me. I could never have been the good little Major and second in command if I hadn't kept a tight hold. If only I could have let it slip for just a little while."  
  
If only...  
  
"Life is full of 'if onlys'. I can't live the rest of my life thinking like that. You are right about that. I have to learn to let it go. I just don't know how. You never taught me that lesson.  
  
I chuckled at the memory of my gall that day we met; challenging you to an arm wrestling match? All that bullshit about me beating you. You knew that wasn't true, although it's good of you to suggest it. Can you imagine the look on Ferretti's and Kawalski's face if I had? I would have given anything to have seen that! Instead I made a fool of myself by feeling sick after going through the gate that first time. After all my bluff and bluster - how embarrassing."  
  
Jack smiled at the memory. He was unimpressed at being forced to add a scientist to his team, however gorgeous she was. He had liked her despite himself and been amused at her reaction to her first encounter with gate travel. Sam had been so intent on appearing gung-ho that she hadn't even been prepared to listen to his briefing without bragging about her skills. Computer simulations and mission reports were nothing when weighed up against the real thing. She learned fast and he had never regretted her presence on his team again. Instead, she had become integral to it, his right arm.  
  
"I will always treasure the photographs you left for me. Those things you wanted me to have will hold a special place in my heart. The letter and that photo of us mean more to me than any of my other possessions. To imagine you with that photo in a drawer next to your bed. Daniel told me about that."  
  
Jack felt his cheeks flush that she knew about that weakness. It made him feel vulnerable, not something he was comfortable with. Dammit! Then he smiled, remembering that she had read his letter; nothing could make him feel more vulnerable than that, except maybe this whole situation he was in right now. Knowing her heart was entirely different to knowing what happened next. If they waited too long their time would never come. It was out in the open and they could never bottle it up again so they had to grasp the moment. Now was their time and he hoped she agreed.  
  
"It warms my battered heart to think that you might have taken it out to look at from time to time before you went to sleep. And you say you weren't romantic. Maybe I have a strange idea of romantic but that seems to fit into my definition."  
  
She found it romantic? Jack realised that he would never truly understand women. Of course he had taken it out to look at. What other point was there in having it? Go figure!  
  
"We do look happy. It was a good mission and I remember it awoke some of those feelings for you that I was trying to bury, although I quickly dug another deep hole for them.  
  
All those years and you never told me you had a Harley rotting away somewhere. I wish I could have restored it for us to go riding off through the hills together. That would have been really cool. A picnic, maybe, in some secluded spot where no one would catch us making love to each other, naked under the blazing sun. That is some fantasy!"  
  
A doozy, and one he was happy to fulfil as soon as possible. His groin reacted to the prospect.  
  
"Like you said, it is easier said than done to get this all down on paper. I too wrote various versions although no rain forests were felled as a result. It's one of the joys of a word processor. I know - you and computers!  
  
I had to stop writing it for a while to go to Cheyenne Mountain Zoo with the guys. I don't know how they came up with the idea, but I'm pretty sure it was a ploy to get me doing something other than mope around the house on a day off - they probably needed it too. I kept imagining you there with us, acting the schoolboy and making us all laugh. It made me wish we had all been there together sometime. It made me wish for a lot of things."  
  
The zoo? That would be Teal'c's idea, he'd bet. For some reason his friend had always wanted to go there. The highest zoo in the country he'd said. They also housed giraffes. Why Teal'c wanted to see giraffes was a puzzle to Jack. He regretted not having gone with Teal'c, who had brought it up a number of times and Jack had always found an alternative activity. The zoo was for kids and brought back too many memories. The idea of going with his team grew on him and he grinned.  
  
"You've taught me something else now, Jack. Writing this down has helped. I wasn't sure it would but if it worked for you it was worth a shot, right? It's kind of cleansing. I need that and will take whatever small comfort I can.  
  
Reading back over this I realise that I can never express in words what I really feel about you. To simply say that I love you is not enough. The soft touch of my fingers against your skin could express it so much better than these inadequate words, but it would require your physical presence. That's a bit of a drawback. I know it's a cliché (who's going to know?), but they say that actions speak louder than words, and it is true.  
  
I imagine holding and stroking your hand, my finger lightly brushing your cheek, running my hands through your hair, kissing your lips, caressing your chest... I imagine a whole lot more than that, but had better not go there. I blush at the idea of writing that even where no one will see it. Isn't that so like me?"  
  
Jack snorted his amusement in something intended to be a laugh. Then he imagined the feel of her fingers on his skin and longed for her touch. He was nearly finished and could hardly wait to go and find her.  
  
"I'll be forever grateful to you too Jack, for everything. You meant so much more to me than you anticipated or thought. I wish you had known. This might be my one wish, although I guess my real one wish would be for you to be here with me alive and well.  
  
I will love and miss you always.  
  
Sam"  
  
Jack leaned back in the chair and considered what he'd read. Although he would like to have read the letter again his need to find Sam was greater. He cautiously wandered around knocking on shut doors.  
  
"Sam?" he called softly.  
  
"In here."  
  
He located the sound to her bedroom. She was sitting on her bed, arms wrapped around her knees, watching the door for his arrival. When he appeared she stood up and slowly walked towards him.  
  
"So, you wanna beat the crap out of me Sam?" He joked, recalling what she had said in the letter.  
  
Sam mutely shook her head, smiling. Holding out his hand she took it in hers, stroking it with her thumb. All the while she held his gaze and then she reached up to stroke his cheek with her other hand. Jack pulled her to him but, instead of the hug she anticipated, he put his lips to hers, kissing her softly, then with increasing enthusiasm, which she reciprocated. When they paused for breath she continued to run her hands through his hair.  
  
"Oh boy! You are definitely real, Jack O'Neill!"  
  
He said nothing, just held her close. One of her regrets was that they had never had sex. He was going to correct that serious omission very soon. For now, though, he merely needed to hold and feel her body next to his. The vibrations of her quiet sobbing reverberated through his chest.  
  
"Why the tears Sam?"  
  
"You could say I've been a bit fragile lately." Her voice broke as she spoke. "I thought I'd left it too late. I haven't left it too late, have I Jack?"  
  
"Never too late, Sam." He recalled thinking almost those same words while he was reading the letter and pulled her to him even more tightly. "Promise me something Sam?" He felt a nod of assent. "That you'll never run away from me again? Please?"  
  
She nodded mutely, understanding that he was not necessarily asking her to stay with him forever but referring to her words in the letter.  
  
"Come here." He said, leading her to the bed. They both lay down on it although neither of them tried to do anything overtly sexual. They shared a mutual desire to simply be together and caressed each other lovingly while exchanging the occasional kiss.  
  
As she stroked his chest though the fabric of his shirt she saw him wince slightly.  
  
"Are you still in pain Jack? Are you ok?" She asked, startled.  
  
"Oh yeah! A lot more than ok." His smile was one of deep satisfaction with his current lot in life and she perceived that he was not thinking of his injuries when he said it. "My chest still has a little healing to do, that's all."  
  
They lay silently for a long time and fell asleep fully clothed and in each other's embrace.  
  
When Jack woke some time later he had a burning desire to make love to Sam and tried to coax her awake without being too obvious about it. Nuzzling at her neck and stroking her back had the effect he wanted as she stirred in his arms and opened her eyes to look at him.  
  
"Whatchya doin'?" She asked in a groggy voice, still half asleep.  
  
"Just... you know..." he shrugged.  
  
As she leaned up to kiss him softly, he made his move, taking ownership of her lips and mouth, his hand wandering under her blouse. She could feel his arousal and responded willingly.  
  
"Jack?" She said when she finally was able, "I need the bathroom."  
  
"Me too." He laughed softly, not wanting to stop but knowing he had to.  
  
When Sam returned she was wearing a large shirt, having divested herself of most of her clothing. Bashfully, she stood in the doorway and Jack drank in the sight of her and then got off the bed and walked over. His hand brushed lightly down the length of her upper arm.  
  
"You are very beautiful." He whispered and leaned to kiss her cheek.  
  
She smiled in response and briefly gasped his hand as he moved around her. When he returned from the bathroom she was sitting on the bed; he was still wearing his trousers but had removed his top, boots and socks. She could see the fresh scarring on his chest and he was still bruised.  
  
"Come here." She said, patting the bed next to her and he obeyed.  
  
They felt self conscious and awkward. He removed her top then pulled her close to him, her back to his chest, and held her for a while. As he caressed her, his yearning grew again, and an overwhelming desire to possess him coursed though her. They made love with a graceless passion which satisfied their immediate need but was hardly the best sex either of them had ever experienced. That would come later; for now, this was enough.  
  
In the morning he noticed the photos on her nightstand for the first time and smiled, proud that she displayed them without embarrassment right next to her bed.  
  
"We look pretty good together there Sam. Will we be good together?"  
  
"We'll be great together Jack."  
  
This time their love making was ferocious and wonderful. They took the time to do it right. It was a relief to both of them that they fit so well but they had to prove to themselves that it wasn't a fluke. Sam was not due in at the SGC that day so they had plenty of time. They got up to make coffee and breakfast and took it back to bed with them, playing silly games with the food. They relaxed with each other and made love again. It had not been a fluke. Sam was gratified that she had been right about Jack's prowess.  
  
"We ought to get up." Sam said. By now it was nearly lunchtime; they had happily cuddled and muttered inconsequential things in each others ears for a considerable time.  
  
"Why?" Jack grinned and waggled his eyebrows, causing Sam to laugh.  
  
"Because we can't stay here all day."  
  
"Why not?"  
  
"Sam Carter doesn't stay in bed all day." She replied.  
  
"Then she should try to break her bad habits." He kissed her by way of encouragement.  
  
"A little while longer then." She sighed happily and snuggled up closer to him.  
  
They discussed the idea of going to the zoo as a foursome with Daniel and Teal'c next time they were all free.  
  
"If I can keep my hands off you for long enough." He whispered and she tittered. "I feel bad that I never went with Teal'c." Jack said. "It reminded me of Charlie too much. It's time I went." She understood him to mean that it would be another cathartic act, like writing the letter. "It should be fun, the four of us."  
  
"I'd like that Jack."  
  
It would be nice for him to really be there with them, not just in her imagination. Daniel and Teal'c would like that a lot and she didn't think they would mind that the three of them had only just been recently. Besides, Teal'c had been impressed with the giraffes when he'd seen them for real. If truth be told he was besotted by them and would be pleased of the excuse to pay another visit.  
  
"It's time we got another photo of us together Sam, replace that one." He gesticulated towards the frame on her nightstand.  
  
"Another photo would be good Jack, but nothing will ever replace that one" He kissed her neck with a smile.  
  
"Not even a wedding photo?" He asked out of the blue, and heard Sam's gasp, wondering what it portended.  
  
"Is that a proposal Jack O'Neill?"  
  
"I guess. I...yes, Sam. A romantic son of a bitch, aren't I?" He laughed nervously and held his breath for a short while waiting for her reply, and then hurried on when she remained silent. "You'd rather not? You wanna wait? I understand."  
  
She could hear the disappointment so stroked his face lovingly. He was trying to be blasé.  
  
"We've waited long enough Jack. Too long."  
  
It sounded suspiciously like a yes.  
  
The End 


	3. Fairytale Ending Sequel to Long Enough &...

Title: Fairytale Ending  
  
Author: Su Freund  
  
Email: sufreundficwithfins.com  
  
Status: Complete  
  
Category: Romance  
  
Pairings: Jack & Sam  
  
Spoilers: Heroes II, Inauguration  
  
Season: AU, Future  
  
Sequel/Series Info: Sequel to Long Enough, which in itself is a sequel to Not Letting Him Down  
  
Rating: PG-13  
  
Content Warnings: Mild language and references to sex  
  
Summary: Has Sam really agreed to marry Jack?  
  
Disclaimer: Stargate SG-1 and its characters are the property of Stargate (II) Productions, Showtime/Viacom, MGM/UA, Double Secret Productions, and Gekko Productions. This story is for entertainment purposes only and no money exchanged hands. No copyright infringement is intended. The original characters, situations, and story are the property of the author. This story may not be posted elsewhere without the consent of the author. Any similarity to real persons, living or dead, is coincidental and not intended by the author. Copyright © 2004 Su Freund  
  
File Size: 84 KB  
  
Archive: My site, Jackfic yes, SJD yes, Gateworld, FanFiction Net  
  
Author's Note: 1. This fic was written at the special request of my beta, web mistress and transatlantic friend Bonnie (Fulinn28) and is dedicated to her in thanks for all her hard work for me and our website, and her words of encouragement, over the last few months. I hope it is what you wished for Bonnie.  
  
2. A wonderful S&J artwork by Annie B. illustrates this fic on my website - converted to a gorgeous book cover by Fulinn28. Thanks to both of them for these creations. You can see it here at my website Fic With Fins, address in my FanFic net profile.  
  
Fairytale Ending  
  
"Did that mean yes?"  
  
Jack was bowled over. He'd just totally botched his attempt at a proposal of marriage. Although he had asked Sam if she would rather wait, she'd said they had waited long enough. Yes indeed, more than long enough. It had sounded like a yes.  
  
"Yes Jack. It meant yes." She took his hand in hers as if that provided further confirmation.  
  
"Are you nuts? We've never even been on a date!" He was flabbergasted. Despite that her letter had declared her feelings as openly as his own, he would never have truly believed this was possible.  
  
"We just spent the night together Jack. That doesn't count? I think we skipped the dating part." She kissed him and gently touched the side of his face with her hand, staring into his eyes. Jack put his hand over hers. "Trying to back out of it?"  
  
"No! Never!"  
  
"Sure sounds like you are, Colonel O'Neill." She teased.  
  
"See, there's a problem, right there." He was all too aware that they weren't actually in a position to marry; not while he was her CO.  
  
"Jack!" Sam did not need to be reminded that this liaison was strictly off limits.  
  
"Sorry! Trust me to screw up the moment. I guess it wasn't that much of a moment, huh? I can't even propose properly. God Sam, that wasn't exactly the most romantic marriage proposal ever was it?"  
  
He looked a little crest fallen, regretting that he had chosen to even hint at his intentions on the spur of the moment. Jack promised himself that he'd ask her again in a more appropriate way and situation - he'd ask her right next time. Did people reaffirm marriage proposals? Hell, you could reaffirm marriages, so why not?  
  
"You deserve better." He added.  
  
"I have the feeling I'm gonna get just what I deserve!" She smiled brilliantly.  
  
"Oh, really?"  
  
He started to tickle her, then captured her in a kiss, and one thing led to another. Although he had not intended to raise it again right now, afterwards, as they lay wrapped in each other's bodies, he could not help himself.  
  
"Sam, I was serious about the... the marriage thing."  
  
"So was I." She replied and this time it was him that dazzled her with his smile.  
  
The next day he went to see Hammond and tendered his resignation, telling no one, not even Sam. He couldn't lead SG-1 and have an affair with his second in command. It just didn't sit well with Jack. Hammond was shocked.  
  
"Why Jack? We need you."  
  
"Not as much as I need this Sir. I want..." He was reluctant to tell Hammond, admit he and Sam had already started this relationship. "Things have changed between Carter and I Sir." He looked embarrassed and reddened.  
  
"Oh." The General stared at Jack with his mouth open.  
  
It wasn't so much that he didn't know Carter and O'Neill felt something special about each other, it was that he hadn't seen this coming. He should have guessed it, had even thought about whether Jack's death and resurrection would be the defining moment between these two.  
  
He'd seen with his own eyes how they had reacted to each other in the infirmary the day Jack had returned to them. However, he had not wanted to believe it, had not wanted to lose O'Neill, so he tried to push it to the back of his mind. He would almost prefer that they carried on an affair behind his back, but he could see that Jack meant business. This was not about having an affair.  
  
"We want to get married Sir."  
  
"Oh!"  
  
That was quick work, thought Hammond but it confirmed what he had thought a moment earlier; Jack didn't want to do this behind anybody's back. Hammond imagined that, in all likelihood, he wanted it to be very public indeed.  
  
"We've waited long enough Sir."  
  
Sam had been spot on about that and he was impatient to be with her openly. No way did he intend to screw this up by being forced to lie to their friends and sneak around as if their relationship didn't exist. Additionally, he didn't want an unequal relationship with her and knew it would be if he was her CO. This thing with her had to be right. Secretly, he was fearful that it wouldn't work between them and wanted to give it his best shot.  
  
Whatever happened now, it was too late to put the genie back in the bottle. He had to go for it all the way. If it failed it would not be because of that. He needed to know they could be normal; as normal as two veterans of the SGC ever would be.  
  
"Perhaps there's another way Jack." His CO replied and they discussed the matter for a while, Hammond warding off all other demands on his time. It was worth it if he could keep both of them.  
  
That night as they sat in each other's arms Jack insisted to Sam that they should still have a 'proper' first date. He figured they'd missed something and wanted to woo this woman as a man should.  
  
"What would you do on a first date Jack? Tell me about it."  
  
"Take you to dinner?"  
  
"Where?"  
  
"Burger King?" He laughed at his own tease and Sam giggled. "Or maybe... some nice expensive French or Italian place? With candles and dancing?"  
  
"Do they have those in Colorado Spring?" She half joked. She sure as hell had never been taken anywhere like that in the Springs. "Then what Jack?"  
  
"Don't you want any surprises?" Looking at her expression he thought, I guess not. "The dinner, the dancing? What more is there? Like dancing Sam?"  
  
"I'm a little out of practice."  
  
"So we'll practice together." She smiled and leaned to kiss him when he said this. She thought dancing could be pretty romantic; in the right atmosphere. "So, what after the dancing?"  
  
"I dunno, maybe a moonlit walk where I can take you in my arms and kiss you. We can pretend it's the first time I ever kissed you. And then I'd take you home and kiss you again at the front door."  
  
"No coming in for a... night-cap?" The wicked grin on her face told him she was talking about more than just a drink.  
  
"On a first date? You're kidding, right?" A quirky smile appeared on his face and he leaned to kiss Sam's hair. She was thinking it sounded like a nice first date and letting her imagination run away with her, picturing them dancing cheek to cheek. Then her practical side took over and she frowned. "We can't go on a date Jack. What if someone from the SGC sees us?"  
  
They had not yet discussed the practical side of their changed relationship; that they were breaching the regs and having an illicit liaison. Sam didn't seem to want to discuss it, as if she was avoiding having to face the consequences of their recent actions. He didn't want to spoil that for her for a while. Jack was still thinking about Hammond's proposals and figured that maybe the discussion should be delayed until he had thought it all through. So, for now, he would make like it had never happened.  
  
"Good point, Sam." He looked saddened that she had crushed his fantasy.  
  
"We could do all of that right here Jack." She suggested. "Get a take out and pretend we're in a restaurant. Play music and dance. You could even pretend to walk me to the door if you like?"  
  
"Nice." He replied, warming to the idea of the make believe scenario.  
  
So this is what they did. Jack picked her up and, much to her surprise and delight, brought her flowers. Red roses; a dozen. She was thrilled that he had dressed up in a tux and bow tie; the first time she had ever seen him so attired. He looked stunning and her heart flipped at the sight. Wow! She had also opted for formal evening wear; a long blue evening dress that matched her eyes. When she had opened her door Jack's eyes had nearly popped out of his head.  
  
"Wow, Sam, you look... you look gorgeous. I'm honored." She smiled a reply and noted the shy look on his face. That a guy his age managed to look so shy and boyish never ceased to amaze and delight her.  
  
"Roses Jack?" He handed them to her. "Thank you." She leaned to give him a chaste peck on the cheek, going with his fantasy that this was a first date. "I'd better put them in water before we go out. Come in and wait?"  
  
After that, he drove her to his place, their fantasy restaurant. He'd set a table like a good restaurant would; tablecloth and candles, with all the right place settings and cutlery. He dimmed the lights and lit the candles, put some good background music on the CD player. He handed her a 'menu' and they discussed what they might like to eat. Once they had made their choices, he called the restaurant to order the delivery, having organised some of this with them beforehand.  
  
Jack had bought a very good, expensive wine like one might get in a decent restaurant. Having chosen her preference, the excellent red, they sat and talked like it was a first date, asking the basic questions that one might ask a person one did not know very well. They talked about their jobs, the people they worked with, as if they didn't know they worked together, or anything about each other's work and lives.  
  
The food arrived under special silver lidded platters that Jack had organised. The restaurant had sent one of their waiters to serve it to them. Sam thought it pretty incredible that Jack should arrange this; the restaurant didn't do deliveries and she idly wondered how much all this had cost him. He was more romantic than he gave himself credit for.  
  
The waiter left so they could eat alone. The food was as perfect as it could be; not quite a fresh as if served at the restaurant, but pretty close.  
  
They continued their talking while they ate and both found out things about each other that they hadn't known. Silly trivial things, but new things nonetheless, and this thrilled both of them.  
  
After they'd finished, and let the meal settle a while, Jack asked Sam to dance. At first they stood a little apart, as if nervous of the contact, but as the dancing continued, they drew nearer until it would have been almost impossible to get any closer to each other. Jack's breath in her ear made Sam tingle and she closed her eyes and held him tight as if she would never let him go. Only a few days beforehand she had thought this man dead. Now he was very much alive and she desperately needed him close. Sam was enjoying the fantasy. Jack was more charming than she had ever anticipated, and a great dancer.  
  
They danced until the restaurant 'closed', Jack having checked the closing time, and he brought her coat and helped her with it like a gentleman. He took her arm and they walked down his street. Much to his delight it was a beautiful moonlit night, as he had imagined it might be. He walked her around the block then back to his place. Stopping at his truck he looked into her eyes.  
  
"May I kiss you Sam?" He asked, as if he had never done it before. She smiled, nodded, and let him take the initiative. The kiss was gentle and very sweet, though fairly brief for a kiss from Jack. For almost the first time, Sam didn't feel the need of an oxygen mask to aid her breathing. A good first date kiss, she thought.  
  
He opened the door to his truck and helped her in, and then drove back to her place. Once there, he leaped out of the truck and opened the door to help her out. Walking her up to her door, he held his hand lightly on her back, as he had done many times before during their working lives.  
  
When she'd opened the door he kissed her goodnight. This time the kiss held more passion, like a second kiss might, having already tested the waters with the first one. Then he kissed her cheek and bid her goodnight.  
  
"I don't want you to go Jack." She stated, simply. "Come in for that night-cap?"  
  
"Can't I at least pretend to go?" He replied, which made her laugh.  
  
"You mean I have to pretend I don't want sex with you right now, on the doorstep if necessary?"  
  
Her tone was teasing but he could see lust in her eyes. How could he deny her? He wanted her as much as she wanted him. So he adjusted the fantasy to fit, pretending he was making love to her for the very first time and slowly seducing her. It was the best sex between them so far and she could almost sense every emotion he felt for her as they made love.  
  
"Do you always do this on a first date? He asked, afterwards, a smirk on his face.  
  
"Only with men I've loved for more years than I can remember."  
  
That was some answer, Jack thought. He could hardly recall the last time he had felt this happy, or this close to anyone.  
  
The next day, Jack arranged a team night out. He and Sam had been so wrapped up in each other since his return from the dead that he had not seen them outside of work. Both Daniel and Teal'c had guessed there was something going on, it was pretty obvious from their behaviour at the SGC. They were surprised it was quite so obvious, given that their two friends could find themselves before a court martial if they weren't careful. They did notice, however, that the pair took more care when 'outsiders' were around. It pleased them that Jack and Sam could be more open with them.  
  
Throughout the evening the two friends could see Jack and Sam's eyes stray to meet each other's frequently. Sometimes it appeared they were having a separate, telepathic and very intimate, conversation. As they were eating their food, Jack decided it was time to come totally clean.  
  
"Guys... I have something to tell you." Daniel and Teal'c both looked up from their dinner. "Sam and I are... getting married." He held Sam's hand under the table, giving it a squeeze, uncertain how they would react.  
  
Daniel nearly choked while Teal'c just smiled enigmatically. It was the expression Jack thought of as his omniscient look. Was Teal'c ever actually surprised by anything?  
  
Daniel put down his fork, got up and stood to pull Sam into the biggest, tightest hug ever, his smile conveying his joy.  
  
"Congratulations. I'm so happy for you. You guys waited long enough." Then he moved over to Jack and slapped him on the back in a time honored manly tradition, quickly caving in and pulling him into another happy hug.  
  
"It's about time you asked her Jack." He seemed unperturbed that it had happened so quickly after Jack's return.  
  
"I know."  
  
"I am happy for you both O'Neill, MajorCarter." Teal'c bowed towards them as he spoke their names. Sam gave him a kiss on the cheek and he looked pleased.  
  
"Umm..." Started Daniel, awkwardly. Oh boy, here comes the million dollar question, Jack realised. "Isn't getting married a little awkward Jack? I mean with Sam and you on the same team and everything?" Although Daniel understood the reasons why the fraternisation regulations were in place, he didn't really agree with them, or certainly not in this case. Surely it shouldn't matter as long as it was all out in the open?  
  
"I resigned." Jack said quietly and there was stunned silence from all three of his companions. Sam looked shocked.  
  
"Resigned? Jack? You never said anything." She said, not able to think through her feelings and reaction to this news. Daniel looked equally stunned and had lots of questions but decided to keep his mouth shut for now and let Sam get on with it. Teal'c, of course, said nothing, merely listened and looked unperturbed.  
  
"So far, he hasn't accepted that resignation." Jack added, hastily.  
  
"W... what?" Sam stammered. "Does he know? About us?"  
  
"Kinda." Jack replied, looking very sheepish that he had failed to mention it to her.  
  
"Jack!" Sam looked horrified and Jack thought he should have guessed what her reaction would be. He hadn't handled this very well. He should have spoken to her first. Dumb ass, O'Neill! He told himself. Sam's career is on the line here.  
  
"I told him I wanted to marry you." He admitted, quailing at her shock and anger. "I'm sorry, I should have told you. Asked you even. I just wanted to resign and didn't want you to try dissuading me. I didn't know I would end up talking to Hammond about it."  
  
"This affects all of us Jack." Daniel piped up, "Sam's career, our team..." He left it there for effect.  
  
"Shit! I wish I hadn't said anything. I've ruined the evening." He was angry with himself for being such an idiot. "Sam, we aren't going to have our first row over this are we?" Sam could see that he was upset and had to confess her own secret.  
  
"I... um... I saw Hammond myself Jack."  
  
"You did?" Both Jack and Daniel said it simultaneously.  
  
"I asked to be transferred to another team."  
  
"What?" Again Jack and Daniel exclaimed together.  
  
"We discussed my options."  
  
"We discussed mine too. Hammond's a sly old dog." They both laughed and the tension lifted.  
  
"So what are they?" Asked Daniel, pointedly.  
  
"What are what?" Jack asked innocently.  
  
"The options, Jack, don't play dumb!" He was losing patience.  
  
"I think Sam and I have it discuss it first, Daniel." He noticed Daniel's crest fallen look. "I know it affects you and Teal'c too but this is our lives we're talking about here. Come on Daniel. You're happy for us, you made that obvious. Let's not spoil it any more than I have already. Ok?" Daniel conceded defeat and Jack looked towards Teal'c who smiled sublimely and nodded his consent. Good old Teal'c, Jack thought, and changed the subject.  
  
"So, Sam tells me you three went to the zoo while I was... gone. Pity I had to miss it. Feel like another visit, the four of us?" Teal'c face lit up with a huge smile at the suggestion and Sam and Daniel exchanged amused looks. Teal'c and his giraffes!  
  
Later, in bed, they discussed it. They had spent each night together since his return. They could hardly bear to part. Sam thought she had been parted from Jack before, in the most final way possible, and she wasn't about to let go any time soon. Jack was happy to spend as much time with her as possible, amazed and pleased that she found him more diverting than her scientific experiments. Since his return she hadn't stayed late at the SGC once, but had gone home eagerly to prepare for their liaison. They were making up for lost time.  
  
"So what are the options then?" He asked her. "What do we do?"  
  
"Well, Hammond said either you could resign, or I could. The latter is definitely not an option for me." She looked at Jack and saw he firmly agreed. Sam was career military through and through. "I'm not sure it's an option for you either Jack. What do you want?"  
  
"What else is there?" He said in a tone that was meant to encourage her to continue.  
  
"You could be reassigned, maybe an instructor at the Air Force Academy, who would be very lucky to have you, I might add." He grinned at her confidence in him. "Or... I could be reassigned, similarly, or as ground personnel at the SGC." He turned his nose up at that idea, she noticed.  
  
"You'd love the work but miss the action." She nodded her agreement. "So?"  
  
"Or I could be reassigned to another SG team. As team leader." Yeah! Jack thought. Perfect! But what about Sam?  
  
"So what do you want to do Sam?"  
  
"I want us both to stay at the SGC. You don't want to be put out to pasture yet do you Colonel O'Neill?" She had a mocking grin on her face. "Teaching at the Academy? That will be great... sometime, maybe, but not now. I can't believe you wanna give it all up? The SGC, saving the planet. All that." The grin was ever more teasing.  
  
"Your own team Sam. It's about time."  
  
"You think I'm ready for it?"  
  
"More than ready. You'd be great."  
  
"We're going to end up seeing a lot less of each other."  
  
"I know." This was the one thing that made him unhappy about the whole idea. "But when we do see each other..."  
  
The rest was left unsaid as he kissed her and his mind wondered to them both going home to the same house each night they could. It was a dream that appeared to be about to come true. In fact, it was true right now.  
  
"I hate the idea of breaking up the team. And I'll miss you. But it is the right thing. For me. Unless you resign it's the only sensible option." Said Sam when they surfaced. "And no, don't get that look. I don't want you to resign. I'll see even less of you. She added hastily when she saw his perturbed expression. "And the idea of coming home to you having sat around moping all day is not a pleasant prospect." She joked, although he thought it was probably a good assessment of how miserable he would be to see her go off to the SGC and not be there himself. That time would come soon enough, but it didn't need to be now.  
  
"I'm gonna miss you too Sam. We all will. SG-1 won't be the same. For starters, who's gonna save my butt from here on in?"  
  
"I hope my replacement leaves your butt well alone," She replied with mock horror, "very nice butt though it may be." With that she grabbed his ass. "Ok. Enough serious discussion for tonight Jack. Now for the sex." She started to seduce him and he let her have her wicked way with him. Was this woman insatiable? He asked himself. Boy, oh, boy he was one lucky camper.  
  
The next day they saw Hammond and told him their decision. Hammond thought this was the best possible outcome for all of them so was happy. The other two team members took the news well, considering. Neither wanted to lose Sam but realised that this was a good career move for her. She couldn't stay in Jack O'Neill's shadow forever.  
  
Jack organised the first date scenario for real and took Sam out in public for the first time. This time he didn't try to pretend it was a first date because he had something else in mind. They sat in a secluded corner of the restaurant with the candles and the ambience. Sam was enjoying it but believed she'd loved the original make believe version better. So what that it was in his home, it had been special. That was before.  
  
Then Jack made this night extra special. She wondered what he might be doing when he got up after they'd finished dinner. The next thing she knew he was kneeling on the floor by her side, her hand in his. In his other hand he held a small box. Oh my! Sam gulped.  
  
"Sam. I love you very much and only one thing is going to make me happier than I am now. Would you do me the honor of becoming my wife?" He choked on the words, trying to make it sound right, and then opened the box. Inside was a beautiful diamond ring.  
  
"It's me that would be honored to marry you Jack. So yes, yes I will. I love you Colonel O'Neill... my darling Jack."  
  
Staring into her eyes and oblivious to his surroundings, and a few eyes turned in their direction, he smiled happily and put the ring on her finger.  
  
"It fits. Cool. Cassie and I weren't sure. I hope you like it Sam. Cassie helped me choose."  
  
"I love it, it's beautiful." As she leaned down to kiss him some of the restaurant patrons cheered and clapped, so Jack obligingly got up to take a bow, red faced, but exhilarated. Maybe this hadn't been perfect but it was way better than the first time he'd asked her.  
  
When the clapping died down and the waiter appeared with a bottle of champagne on ice.  
  
"To us." Jack said, raising his glass to her.  
  
"To us." She repeated and they both drank to that.  
  
When they met the guys the following morning to visit the zoo Sam flashed the ring in their eyes. They may not be on the same team anymore but these people would forever be her friends. Their pleasure at her and Jack's happiness made them both even happier, if that was possible. Inside the zoo entrance Jack asked where they should go first, knowing what Teal'c's answer would be as Sam had told him about his strange giraffe obsession.  
  
"The giraffes, O'Neill."  
  
Jack tried not to laugh as he caught Sam's eye. A special gleam seemed to have entered Teal'c's at the thought of seeing the giraffes once more. Jack was looking forward to Teal'c's expression when he found out what Jack had arranged for later. He knew someone that worked at the zoo and had called in a favour.  
  
"Then giraffes it is Teal'c, old buddy."  
  
Sam luxuriated in the company of her three favourite men, recalling her sadness when she had come here with Daniel and Teal'c after Jack had died. It felt good to be here with him, and to walk somewhere publicly with their arms around each other and have no fear.  
  
They didn't have to go far. The giraffes were displayed in the African Rift Valley section of the zoo, which could be entered once inside the main entrance. The African Rift Valley, or ARV as it was often called, was also home to a number of other animals and birds. The clever nature of it's design could make you think that these animals truly roamed free. The ARV and it's accompanying exhibition were considered state of the art for zoos  
  
They watched the giraffes for a long time. Daniel was happy to humour Teal'c's peculiar fixation. The ARV covered a large area and they walked and watched, stopping to allow Teal'c to feed the giraffes or just gaze besottedly at the creatures. Teal'c had bought a large number of 'giraffe crackers' at the gate and there were several giraffe feeding stations set up for this purpose.  
  
"Why giraffes T?" Jack asked him, quietly, as he admired them.  
  
"I know not, O'Neill." Teal'c replied. "They are slender and graceful and yet strong, and a most interesting colour combination." He added.  
  
"So how did you find out about them. TV?"  
  
"Did you not know that they have what is called a live giraffe cam on the Cheyenne Mountain Zoo website on the Internet, O'Neill? Giraffes are symbolic of the zoo which houses the largest herd of giraffes kept by a zoo on your world. They are your planet's tallest living mammals. Males of the species can grow up to 19 feet tall. Their tails can be a yard in length and their long tongues 18-21 inches. Those horn like structures on their heads are called ossicones, which are formed before birth. They are cartilage covered with skin and hair which become bony nodules with age. They have seven vertebrae in their long necks, the same as man. The website also shows pictures of a giraffe giving birth. It is truly wonderful, O'Neill."  
  
He stopped and smiled at his friend and Jack stared in amazement. He didn't think he'd heard so many words at once from the Jaffa's mouth and the glint that appeared in Teal'c's eyes as he spoke amused him, endearing him to the man even more than ever.  
  
"You seem to know a lot about them Teal'c."  
  
"Indeed."  
  
When Daniel returned from getting them ice creams, Teal'c turned from the giraffes.  
  
"It is time to proceed. We should see more of the zoo."  
  
"We'll come back again later T." Jack promised and Teal'c smiled at him.  
  
"It is good to have you here with us O'Neill, my friend. We missed your presence on our previous visit."  
  
"He's right Jack. This is great." Agreed Daniel, happy to have his closest friends together.  
  
"I'm flattered guys. Really." Jack said humbly. "Hey, we'll have to come back and do this safari discovery trail sometime." The trail was inside the ARV animal yard and led by experienced zookeepers. It was probably the closest one could get to a safari without visiting Africa, but you had to book in advance to have any hope of going on one of these guided excursions.  
  
"Charlie would have loved this." He whispered to Sam. "None of this was here when we last came." Sam searched his eyes and saw some sadness glimmer within them.  
  
"Are you alright Jack?"  
  
"Fine, honey, I'll be fine." Kissing her on the head he added, "How do you feel about having kids Sam?" They had never even discussed this issue, yet they planned to get married, were even discussing potential dates.  
  
"Little O'Neills? Yeah I want some little O'Neills, Jack. I want them very much." She stopped and gave Jack a very passionate kiss which Daniel watched in amusement. It was good to see his friends happy at last, getting everything they ever dreamed of and wanted. He sincerely hoped it all worked out. In his experience there was no such thing as a fairytale ending.  
  
They wandered around, not really worrying too much about what they saw, but more involved with each other's company. Lions, elephants, bears, butterflies and bats; the zoo had them all, from the sublime to the ridiculous, and a whole lot more. Jack had forgotten what a great place this was to visit, and it had changed so much since the last time he was here.  
  
After an extremely late lunch in the Safari Café they wandered back to the elevated boardwalk to wait for the evening giraffe "stampede". Jack wanted to ensure Teal'c got a good viewing position. The boardwalk allowed visitors to watch the giraffe herd pass through a drawbridge, which was designed to allow the creatures to leave their building each morning and re- enter each evening.  
  
Teal'c was more than satisfied with his day so far but was wary when a man approached them.  
  
"Colonel O'Neill." The man said, extending his hand to shake Jack's. "It's good to see you again."  
  
Jack introduced them. The man was Harold Palmer. Jack had once done him a huge favour by ensuring that an airman at the mountain kept well away from Harold's beautiful but underage daughter. Actually he had done a lot more than that but Harold didn't know the half of it.  
  
Needless to say the airman was no longer at the SGC and had briefly needed a hospital bed before his transfer to other duties. The airman had been a philanderer and all round bad guy and Jack hadn't liked him much, particularly trying to take advantage of an innocent young girl, half his age at 15 years old. Of course, nothing of this was stated now.  
  
"I got a surprise for you T." Said Jack gaily. Even Sam didn't know about this.  
  
"O'Neill?" Teal'c raised an eyebrow curiously.  
  
Harold led them to the giraffe house and took them inside. Although all zoo visitors could see inside the giraffe house there were restricted areas that SG-1 gained access to on this visit. Teal'c looked on in wonder, delighted to get a look behind the scenes, and see more of his precious giraffes. It turned out that a baby giraffe had been born very recently. She had not been displayed to the public yet and Teal'c and his team mates were going to get a sneak preview. Jack had not been able to believe that luck when he had spoken to Harold on the phone, and Teal'c was overwhelmed by his friend's gesture, and the miniature giraffe.  
  
"So you are a big softie under that hard exterior, Jack O'Neill." Sam whispered affectionately. She was going to marry this marvellous man and the more she got to know him the more she knew that it was a decision that she would never regret.  
  
Meanwhile, Teal'c revelled in being with the giraffes, watching the youngster suckle at it's mother, and learning so much about them from their keepers. When it eventually came for time for them to leave the zoo had closed. The friends were parting at the gate, Jack and Sam going to Jack's place and Daniel taking Teal'c back to the mountain.  
  
"It is an honor to call you friend, O'Neill." He said, clasping Jack's hand and bowing.  
  
"I... I... Thanks Teal'c. Back at ya." Jack was stuck for words, as ever when someone flattered him.  
  
"It was a great thing to arrange Jack." Added Daniel. "You don't think you could call a favour to get me to meet Julia Roberts do you?" The friends laughed.  
  
Harold also bid them goodbye.  
  
"Thanks Harold, I guess the debt is paid." Said Jack as they shook hands again.  
  
"I will never consider that debt sufficiently paid Colonel. Anytime you want a favour."  
  
"Then maybe you can do the same thing when we have kids." He smiled and nodded towards Sam.  
  
"I'd be delighted." Harold responded and waved goodbye.  
  
"Ok. See you kids at the SGC tomorrow." Jack said to Daniel and Teal'c.  
  
"MajorCarter." Teal'c inclined his head towards her in a goodbye gesture. Tomorrow would be the first day of the new SG-1, and for Sam's new team. "I have been privileged to work by your side for many years. You are a formidable warrior, and woman." Sam blushed to her roots.  
  
"Isn't it time you started calling me Sam, Teal'c?"  
  
"I think not, MajorCarter." She crossed over to hug him.  
  
"Teal'c, you've been a good friend. To me and to Jack. How about Samantha?" It was Teal'c's turn to blush as she whispered this in his ear and kissed his cheek.  
  
"Samantha." He repeated with a big smile, trying the name on for size. Sam had always been too small a name for such a woman, he thought. "I would like that very much indeed, Samantha."  
  
"What was all that about?" Jack asked as they got into his truck.  
  
"Teal'c calling me Samantha." Jack looked at her enquiringly, eyebrows raised in surprise.  
  
"Samantha? Hey, don't I get to call you Samantha?"  
  
"No way, Jonathan O'Neill." She teased. "Major Carter to you Colonel. Or maybe Sam on special occasions." They both laughed. Boy, I love this woman, thought Jack.  
  
Later Sam asked him about the debt to Harold Palmer  
  
"It's a long story Sam."  
  
"Tell me?"  
  
"Sure. Sometime. Right now we have more important things to do."  
  
"Like what?"  
  
"Date. Wedding." That distracted her.  
  
"I don't know Jack. Tomorrow?" He grinned a response.  
  
"Come on Sam. Have you made up your mind? Long engagement or short?"  
  
"Short."  
  
"So, any preference?"  
  
"As I said. Tomorrow. Failing that, as soon as we can." A woman after his own heart, thought Jack who would have married her tomorrow if it was possible.  
  
"June?" He asked, knowing Sam yearned for a spring wedding. If it was the end of June they could just sneak it in under the wire.  
  
"Ok." It was May now so only a few weeks away. "Where? And the reception."  
  
"I'll get on it. I've some ideas."  
  
"Care to share?"  
  
"Ummm... give me a couple of days?" She nodded assent. Jack was excited at the prospect of arranging it but she was sure she would have her say; bride's privilege. "We have to try and get hold of your father. I'll ask George in the morning." Jack paused then added in a worried tone, "Will your father be alright with this Sam?"  
  
"More than alright I think Jack."  
  
"I hope so."  
  
"Jack he'll love it." She could see he was doubtful. "By the way Colonel, I love you." She ran her fingers lightly down his cheek. "Did you tell you that lately?"  
  
"Not for at least 24 hours... Samantha." He replied and she giggled. "Hey, what have I said before about giggling, Major?  
  
It was kind of strange on the team without Sam. She, however, seemed to be thriving as a team leader of her own and Jack was happy to see it. As he suspected, he missed her and so did Daniel and Teal'c. It was worth it, though, to be free to see each other when they chose, spend the night together and have no worries about being found out. Even Kinsey wouldn't be able to fault them for this. And they saw each other as much as possible, spending as many nights together as they could.  
  
Jack had nearly laughed aloud when Hammond told him Lt. Hailey was replacing Sam on SG-1. He liked her, she was trouble but his kind of trouble. She would keep them on their toes, and was almost as brilliant as Sam. Another scientist to break in. Sheesh!  
  
Sam had also been amused but told him if she found him checking out Jennifer's butt he'd never hold a P-90 again. As if! Why would he want to check out anyone's butt except Sam's? He did confess that he took a sly peek to see whether it was worth facing Sam's wrath but decided it wasn't. Sam had laughed herself silly at his confession.  
  
Hammond had one heck of a job sorting out the paperwork for Jack's return from the dead. It was a bureaucratic nightmare. That was nothing compared to the headache Jack gave him when he discussed his hopes for the wedding. Hammond certainly had his work cut out but had warmed to the idea and wanted his favourite couple to be happy.  
  
The General was delighted, although surprised, when Jack asked him to be his Best Man. Sam had been equally surprised when he had suggested it, thinking he would probably choose Daniel. Jack had some good reasons for choosing Hammond. He respected, liked and admired him, for starters. It ensured that no one's feelings got hurt, least of all Daniel's who was not the only person who might have thought he could get asked.  
  
Jack also knew that Hammond loved Sam like a father, or maybe a kindly uncle was more accurate. He thought the General would be thrilled to be so closely involved with Sam's wedding, and believed Hammond deserved it. The man had been very good to him over the years, to them both.  
  
There was a lot of fun and games with legal crap that Jack needed to sort. He'd found a quiet legal genius in Levinson, though, who came through for him with the minimum of pain and Jack was very relieved to find he now owned his house, the cabin, his truck and the Harley. Sam had insisted that he had to have it back, although he had wanted her to keep it. What would she do with two bikes? She argued. Besides, she still harboured her dream of riding out into the hills on their bikes. She had described it in her letter and Jack shared the dream.  
  
With this in mind they had started to fix up the Harley. Jack wasn't exactly dumb when it came to motor engines. It was fun doing it together, although they would frequently interrupt their task and get down to the serious business of love making. So the fixing the bike sessions almost became a code for sexual activity. When she mentioned fixing the bike Jack's eyebrows would waggle mischievously and she would laugh. They both knew what would be coming later.  
  
"Sam, pass me that doohickey will you?" Jack's long fingers pointed to a tool of some kind.  
  
"Doohickey? You mean I'm fixing this bike with a man who doesn't know a spanner from a screwdriver?"  
  
"I do too!" Jack cried, defending himself.  
  
"Uh, huh? So what's that called?" She indicated the tool he was asking for. He scratched his head, puzzled, and gave in.  
  
"Hey, does it matter?" Jack grinned. "I just know that I need that to do this." He showed her what he was doing and he was right, much to Sam's amazement. "Man's gotta use the right tool for the job." He said smugly and she hit him with the dirty rag in her hand.  
  
"Hey, that's so not fair, you've got a weapon!" He laughed, grabbing hold of her to wrestle the rag from her grasp. Once he had hold of her... well things got a little out of hand.  
  
The great thing about working on a bike, thought Jack, was that it was a dirty job. They would get covered with oil and grease and need a shower. Then they would have to wash each other clean, hair, fronts, backs and... there was nothing quite like a shower with the future Mrs Sam O'Neill. Sam O'Neill? Cool!  
  
"I think that's got it." Said Sam one day a couple of weeks before their wedding. She was smiling at the bike with pride. It looked great, and better than that, it appeared to work. Jack put his arm around Sam.  
  
"Test run?" He smirked.  
  
"The hills? Tomorrow?" She blushed as the fantasy she had imagined while she'd thought Jack dead hit her full force. Jack nodded eagerly.  
  
"Hills, tomorrow."  
  
Jack took Sam home so she could pick up her gear and bike. On the way back he stopped off to get groceries for a picnic. His eyes widened in admiration when Sam arrived at his place in her leathers. Sam couldn't help but notice his reaction and smiled secretly to herself. You wait until tomorrow Jack O'Neill, I am so gonna get you. Meanwhile Jack was thinking, I can't wait to divest her of those tomorrow, I hope the weather holds.  
  
It held and was a beautiful early June day, unseasonably warm. The Harley was working like a charm and they took off into the hills outside the Springs. Colorado wasn't as hilly as people tended to think but there were enough to find something secluded that they didn't have to share. They left the bikes and walked until they found a good spot. Quiet, isolated, beautiful view. They didn't see anyone else around, which suited them entirely.  
  
Jack had brought way too much food; sandwiches, pie, chicken drumsticks, salad, double chocolate chip muffins  
  
"Had to add something vaguely healthy." He said by way of explanation for the salad and the expression on his face made Sam laugh.  
  
When they'd finished he pulled Sam towards him and put his arm around her.  
  
"There are millions of guys out there Sam and I'm the lucky one who is marrying you." His sigh sounded like one of deep satisfaction and she took his hand in hers, holding it to her lips to kiss it gently.  
  
"You're not the only lucky one Jack." Her look of love as she spoke made his heart flutter with joy and he leaned to kiss her.  
  
"Time to get rid of those very sexy leather pants of yours Sam." He said breathily in her ear, and they went on to live her fantasy.  
  
Lying totally naked in each other's arms afterwards, they didn't speak, feeling no need. This relationship was still young yet they were intimately acquainted. It felt so special and, to them, it was.  
  
Jack recalled a conversation he'd had with Daniel a few days after they'd all been to the zoo.  
  
"I just hope your expectations aren't too high, that's all Jack."  
  
He and Daniel were arguing about Jack and Sam's relationship, of all ridiculous things. He wasn't sure how it started originally but Daniel had eventually said something like,  
  
"Well I'm not sure I believe in fairytale endings Jack"  
  
"What you talking about? You're looking at one." Jack was beaming from ear to ear as he had been most of the time lately.  
  
"See, that's just it. That's where you're wrong!"  
  
"Daniel?"  
  
"You say it's a fairytale ending, Jack, but endings rarely are."  
  
"Daniel, I always thought that you were the romantic and it turns out I am. Go figure!"  
  
"Jack I just don't want you to be disappointed. You've held Sam up on a pedestal far too long and..."  
  
"Hold on a minute there Danny boy. I do not hold Sam up on a pedestal. Jeez, I've known her for far too long to do that. This is real, Daniel, real, not just my fantasy. I don't think of Sam as some perfect, flawless woman and expect her to live up to that dream."  
  
"Eventually all this romantic 'in love' stuff will wear off Jack. Then it will be real."  
  
"Maybe. But we'll be friends and companions for a long, long time after that ever happens. Besides, my heart's skipped a beat nearly every time I've seen her for the last 8 years, why should it stop now?" Daniel looked surprised by that remark. He would never have guessed. "Daniel, I thought you were happy for us."  
  
"Don't get me wrong Jack, I didn't mean to imply..." Daniel looked perturbed that he had given the wrong impression. "This is a philosophical argument. I am happy for you, really I am."  
  
"Philosophical argument? For crying out loud Daniel, do you really expect to have one of those with me?"  
  
"Ok, we'll change the subject. I just hope your expectations aren't too high, that's all Jack."  
  
In Sam's arms on the hillside Jack pondered this. Were his expectations too high? He didn't believe so. If anything Sam had exceeded his expectations. Were they marrying too quickly? Jack realised that their intimacy had been alive only briefly in the grand scheme of things but they had known each other for years, albeit in different roles, as colleagues and friends. They remained colleagues and friends, they had added lovers to the list, that's all, and were about to add husband and wife, and perhaps mother and father someday, if he was very lucky.  
  
Of course they would have their arguments, their ups and downs. That was part of being a couple, sharing and living together; an element of the human condition. That did not mean they would stop loving each other deeply, or respecting the hell out one another. Daniel was wrong. This was a fairytale ending; as fairytale as it could get on this world.  
  
Reluctantly Jack and Sam parted, dressing again when it got chilly and watching as the sun set. They had travelled to many different planets, those with more than one moon, more than one sun, different skies, different landscapes, but there was nothing quite like being right here on Earth and watching the sun go down; particularly with Jack in my arms, thought Sam. Did dreams really come true? It seemed so.  
  
"Thank you Jack." Sam whispered as she luxuriated in the feel of his arms encircling her, his body close to hers, his masculine smell assailing her nostrils.  
  
"What for?"  
  
"For today, for all this, for coming home alive to me, for loving me."  
  
Jack smiled and kissed her hair. She's thanking him? God, he should be thanking her. She had given him a chance to be happier than he had ever imagined being again. When he'd lost Charlie and then Sara he had never thought he could feel like this, had despaired of feeling anything but emptiness. Then he'd met her, SG-1. She had saved him, they all had.  
  
Sam was right about Jacob Carter, he was pleased as punch.  
  
"Welcome to the Carter family Jack." He said, sporting a wide smile as he pulled his future son-in-law into a hug. "And good luck. You'll need it." He joked.  
  
"I didn't think that you'd be too thrilled about it Jacob. I might not seem like a very good catch."  
  
"Why do you say that?" Jack merely shrugged and said nothing. "Listen Jack. I like you, always have. You're a fundamentally good man. You and Sam are crazy about each other. It's been obvious to me for a long time. What more is there?" Jack eyed him curiously. "Come on Jack, give an old General a break, particularly one who has an old and very wise Tok'ra symbiote living inside his head. Don't color me dumb."  
  
"You've never said anything Jacob." Jack was surprised.  
  
"Neither did you Jack."  
  
"I was never in a position to."  
  
"I know."  
  
"I'll take good care of her Jacob." Jack promised.  
  
"I know that too. You always have and you always will. If I didn't think that I might not be so thrilled. I was relieved when she didn't marry that Pete guy. I never liked him much."  
  
"Married Pete?"  
  
"Oops. You didn't know he'd asked her?" Jacob started to worry that he had said too much, wondering why Sam had never mentioned it to Jack.  
  
"No. She said no?"  
  
"Well yeah, duh, Jack. She couldn't marry you if she'd said yes, could she?"  
  
"Why did she say no?" Jack asked, stupefied by the notion that Pete had asked her.  
  
"Why do you think Jack? She's in love with you. That's when they broke up and Sam actually saw sense."  
  
"I wish I'd known."  
  
"Well it doesn't matter anymore, does it?" Jack knew that Jacob was right. Sam would be Mrs O'Neill in less than two weeks. He longed for that day.  
  
Just then Sam came walking through the door and interrupted them.  
  
"Sam," said her father going to give her a hug, "congratulations. I'm delighted.  
  
"He told you? I knew you would happy for us dad."  
  
They were in Jack's office at the SGC. As soon as Jacob had arrived Jack had pulled him in there to tell him the news, fearful of his reaction. He'd told Sam to keep away for a while. She hadn't even greeted her father as he came through the gate, sending apologies because she was in the middle of an experiment. In reality she had been twiddling her thumbs in the lab wondering how long she should give them to talk. Jack had insisted that he tell her father alone although she had wanted to be there. She had quickly lost patience and gone to seek them out.  
  
"Sam, you need some money for the wedding."  
  
"Dad..."  
  
"Don't dad me. I'm your father, it's part of the job description. I want you to have the best. You only get married once, I hope."  
  
"This is for life dad." She said softly but Jack heard her anyway and was proud that she believed it.  
  
"You seem pretty sure of that sweetheart." He father said.  
  
"I am." She let go of her father and went to Jack, who put his arm around her and took her hand.  
  
"We want this simple dad. No big affair."  
  
"Okay. That doesn't stop your old man paying for it, does it? Give me that and walking you down the aisle and I'll be a happy man. Although I wouldn't say no to more grandchildren." He looked questioningly, unsure whether his daughter valued her career above family.  
  
"That's a wish we hope to grant you Jacob." Jack said.  
  
"Good. So, where's the wedding?"  
  
When they had finished telling him their plans he sat back in astonishment.  
  
"And this is simple?" He asked.  
  
"Well, not entirely. But George pulled off a minor miracle."  
  
"Good old George." Jacob smiled.  
  
When they were alone, much later, Jack asked about Pete.  
  
"You never told me Pete asked you to marry him." He looked at her enquiringly.  
  
"I... does it matter?"  
  
"It's just..." He paused, uncertain how to continue, "He must have felt pretty confident you'd say yes Sam."  
  
Sam eyed Jack speculatively, recalling the words in his letter that spoke so clearly of his poor self esteem, certainly as far as they were concerned. He still lacked faith.  
  
"Marrying him was never an option Jack, not to me. I just didn't truly appreciate my feelings until he asked me. That my first thoughts were of you gave the game away." He smiled at that. "Jack, don't ever believe it isn't you. It was always you." She caressed his face gently in reassurance.  
  
"I guess I still can't believe how lucky I am." He replied.  
  
"Then you had better start believing it, Jack O'Neill. We're getting married, you have to have faith in us. God, didn't my letter tell you anything?" Her tone was slightly frustrated.  
  
"I'm sorry, I'm an old fool."  
  
"You got that right!"  
  
"Brains were never my strong point."  
  
"Bullshit!"  
  
He grinned, then laughed lightly, pulling her into a hug.  
  
"So, what was he like in bed?" He asked after a pause.  
  
"Are you fishing for compliments Jack?  
  
"Maybe." He shrugged, a mischievous smirk lighting his face.  
  
"Women shouldn't tell you know."  
  
"Damn!" He exclaimed, in mock disappointment.  
  
Sam kissed him gently and whispered in his ear.  
  
"But as we're getting married... You're the best colonel I ever had." She teased and Jack pouted his bottom lip.  
  
"And just how many Colonel's have you had Major?" He asked, returning the tease.  
  
"Just the one. But I love him very much. He's brave, bright, funny, handsome and sexy. What more could a lowly Major ask for?"  
  
"You think I'm sexy?" He smiled proudly, preening himself.  
  
"Every gorgeous inch."  
  
"Well, that's good then. Just as well I guess, Mrs O'Neill to be."  
  
"Can I let you into a little secret, husband to be?" He nodded, eager for her confidence and she leaned to whisper in his ear again. "You're the best lay I ever had."  
  
With those words she set out to prove her feelings for him in the most obvious way possible, slowly seducing him. Her lovemaking was both torturous and glorious and Jack let her do as she wished, responding with fervour. Afterwards, as they held each other close and revelled in the embrace, it was his turn to whisper in her ear.  
  
"You're the best too Sam. I love you."  
  
The fact that Mark and his family were not going to be able to come to a June wedding clinched it. Neither of them wanted any other outsiders at the wedding ceremony. The day before the wedding Sam was promoted to Lt. Colonel. She wanted to wear her dress uniform in her wedding day, and her brand new silver Oak Leaves were the something new she wore.  
  
Under her skirt she wore a blue garter, something which Jack was very much looking forward to removing later. Her something blue. The something borrowed had caused her a problem at first. What did one borrow to wear with dress blues? Eventually Cassie suggested a necklace that had belonged to her mother Janet and, although like the blue garter it couldn't seen, Sam wore it with a great deal of pride.  
  
The gate room was lined with people who all stood and saluted as Sam arrived on her father's arm. Jack stood at the top of the ramp in front of the gate with General Hammond as his best man. Hammond had been both surprised and thrilled when Jack had asked him. It was the last thing he had expected and it made him proud.  
  
When Jack had suggested the gate room as the location for their wedding Sam had immediately said yes. The idea fascinated her, to marry in the place that had been so important to their joint lives; indeed the place that had kept them apart for all those years. An irony that was not lost on either of them.  
  
This would be the most unusual wedding in USAF history. Of course they'd have to shoot anyone who saw the wedding photos! But they'd arranged for some shots to be taken elsewhere so that they could be openly displayed and shown. The ones in front of the gate would be kept close until and if the gate became public knowledge.  
  
Arranging to have a wedding in the gate room had probably been one of the more difficult and unusual tasks ever set for a best man. Hammond had almost torn out his non existent hair but, in the end, the President of the United States was a very powerful man and wanted to keep his friend Jack O'Neill happy. It was the least he could do for a man who had saved this planet more times than he had attended political conventions.  
  
As the wedding march played Jacob squeezed Sam's arm and smiled at her. She was positively glowing and if he ever saw anyone look more beautiful in dress blues he'd be most surprised.  
  
Cassie was near the front with Daniel and Teal'c and had a tear in her eye, wishing her mother had been here to see this. Sam was her other surrogate mother and Cassie loved her very much, but she still missed Janet. Seeing Sam like this, and marrying Uncle Jack, made her heart swell with love and pride. She adored both of them and for this to happen was like a dream come true.  
  
The base Chaplain was nervous. Weddings were not his area of expertise and he had read the service over and over to ensure he would get it right. The Chaplain was the only cleric with clearance to be in the gate room so there weren't many options. Hammond had fought hard to get special dispensation for him to perform the ceremony; another minor miracle he'd pulled off like the magician he sometimes appeared to be.  
  
Jack thought Sam looked radiant. This ranked as one of the best and happiest days of his life. In fact he thought he'd been having quite a few really, really good days lately. His heart soared as Sam and her father approached and when Jacob gave Sam to him in the traditional manner he thought his heart rate would go through the roof. His mouth went dry with nerves. Oh God! This is it, this is really it!  
  
"Dearly beloved. We have come together in the presence of God to witness and bless the joining together of this man and this woman in Holy Matrimony." The Chaplain started. Jack glanced at Sam, their eyes met and they smiled nervously.  
  
They had decided to make their own vows, rather than merely agree to the traditional words from the Book of Common Prayer. This would make it more special and meaningful to both of them although both had independently chosen to adapt the traditional words and make them their own.  
  
Sam took a deep breath knowing that it was her turn first. Neither knew what the other intended to say; they had agreed it would be a surprise. She unwaveringly stared into Jack's eyes as she spoke.  
  
"I love you Jack and I always will. I will treat you with the honor you so richly deserve, succour you when you are sick or in need and celebrate with you when you are well and in good spirits. I will never want or need another above you and will forever keep faith in us and our love and friendship. I give myself to you totally, and my body and soul will stand by your side always."  
  
Jack's heart continued to hammer rapidly in his chest. Beautiful words Sam. How can I top that? I can't. He held her gaze when it was his turn and his voice cracked a little while he shifted uncomfortably. Jack O'Neill did not normally voice these feelings in public.  
  
"Sam, my one and only true love. My heart and respect are yours, and we will grow old together side by side. My body and soul are yours, and we will be friends and lovers forever. My loyalty and devotion are yours, through both the good and the bad. My protection is yours and our children's forever, and I will keep you safe and secure. My life is yours for all eternity."  
  
When the Chaplain pronounced them man and wife and Jack kissed Sam the whole place became an uproar of cheering, clapping, with shouts of 'way to go Jack!' from the Marines. Jack and Sam took no notice and continued to kiss with a passion, for the very first time as Mr and Mrs O'Neill. Or was that Colonel and Colonel O'Neill? Actually it was Colonel O'Neill and Lt. Colonel Carter. Sam was keeping her maiden name for work and her married name for pleasure.  
  
Cassie hugged Daniel and Teal'c with tears of both joy and sorrow flowing from her eyes. Jacob and General Hammond both kissed Sam in congratulation and heartily shook Jack by the hand, all smiles. The whole thing, plus the picture taking and many congratulations afterwards, went by in a daze for both of them.  
  
Jack had also suggested a slightly unusual location for the reception; Cheyenne Mountain Zoo. When they'd visited he'd noticed that they had facilities for wedding receptions so he'd called Harold to ask about it. They rented the Safari Lodge for the night, which included access to the ARV area. The reception goers would be surrounded by giraffes as they celebrated. Teal'c was delighted. So was Sam; she thought it a wonderful location and marvelled at Jack for the idea.  
  
This was how Cheyenne Mountain Zoo came to be Jack and Sam's special place. They became regular visitors, getting to know the staff well, and frequently took their children in later years, privileged to see many things that remained hidden to other zoo visitors.  
  
The reception was pretty special and Harold had arranged for the Safari lodge and ARV area to remain open a lot later than normal, calling in a few favours of his own. Jack invited Harold, and his wife and daughter, to the reception. Harold's daughter, Penny, was pretty and vivacious and wanted to join the Air Force, much to Jack's delight. He wondered if one day she would find out the secret that lay beneath the mountain she knew so well in an entirely different context.  
  
Jack became her mentor and she, like Cassie, called him Uncle Jack. Harold and Vicky, his wife, became firm friends and they or their daughter would gladly baby sit for the couple when they were able.  
  
It took an age for the four old team mates to get together for any time alone. There was the food, the speeches and the first dance, during which Jack twirled around with Sam like an old pro. She had recalled their mock first date and, however happy she felt now, would always remember dancing with him that night. Even dancing at their own wedding would never beat that.  
  
She had pondered all the photographs which had been taken that day. She looked forward to the pictures of the four of them with the giraffes, Teal'c looking as happy as he was ever likely to, surrounded by his favourite animals from his adopted home planet. There would be many of her and Jack, in front of the gate, in the Safari Lodge, outside with the ARV backdrop, with giraffes.  
  
However, she still believed that nothing could mean more than the one of her and Jack that Daniel had taken all those years ago and that Jack had left for her when he'd died. It had brought her comfort and joy at a moment in her life when there had been so little to feel joyful about. How things had changed since then. She still marvelled at it.  
  
The four stood outside, a fair distance from the Safari Lodge, looking out over the ARV.  
  
"Hammond let you off gently in his speech Jack." Daniel said, grinning. "Didn't you, kinda, make yourself a hostage to fortune by asking him to be your best man?" Jack laughed.  
  
"Not as much as if it had been you, Danny boy! I do not want them all hearing about that time I walked around with my flies undone the whole time we were on P... whatever. Or..."  
  
"Hey, I couldn't have said that in front of outsiders!" Daniel said with mock vexation.  
  
"You would have found a way." Jack rejoined and Sam smiled at him, taking his arm in hers and leaning to whisper in his ear.  
  
"It's just as well you don't go commando on missions, Mr O'Neill."  
  
"Maybe if I had I would have got you sooner, Mrs O'Neill." Jack whispered back, waggling his eyebrows, and they both laughed.  
  
"Mrs O'Neill." Sam repeated. "Sounds good Jack." Her eyes twinkled gaily as she smiled. "It wasn't that long ago that I thought I'd lost you forever and now... here we are."  
  
"Yes, we are." Jack softly put his lips to hers and Daniel coughed.  
  
"It's ok... we can go." He said waving his arm in the general direction of the rest of the guests.  
  
"No Daniel." Sam stopped him.  
  
"You and Jack want to be alone. It is your wedding night."  
  
"Daniel, we just wanted to..." Jack started, tailing off. Daniel and Teal'c simultaneously raised their eyebrows in a look of enquiry. "Well we just wanted to say goodbye to you guys before we go on our honeymoon, and say thanks."  
  
"Thanks?"  
  
"For being there." Said Sam.  
  
"For being our friends." Added Jack. "Good friends." Jack gave Daniel a friendly hug, a huge grin on his face.  
  
"Happy Jack?" Daniel asked, quietly.  
  
"You kiddin'?" Jack replied, the smile growing even bigger. "Fairytale ending, Daniel, happy ever after and all that." Daniel's responding smile was crooked and made him look like a young boy.  
  
Meanwhile Sam held onto Teal'c.  
  
"Look after Daniel while we're away won't you Teal'c?"  
  
"Indeed, Samantha." Sam smiled up into Teal'c's face, thrilled he used that name.  
  
"Thank you Teal'c, for everything, including the Samantha."  
  
"You are most welcome." Teal'c's heart leapt at her smile because he loved this woman. Not in the same way as his friend O'Neill, but as a friend and comrade in arms, and like so many other people seemed to love her.  
  
The friends swapped places and Daniel whispered to Sam.  
  
"I'm so happy for you Sam. And I've never seen you look happier either."  
  
"That's because I haven't been, Daniel."  
  
"Jack's a lucky guy. And he knows it, which is good."  
  
"Thanks Daniel." Sam blushed a faint pink.  
  
Jack and Teal'c faced each other. Jack was very fond of the big Jaffa and the feeling was mutual.  
  
"I am most pleased with this outcome O'Neill." Said Teal'c.  
  
"Me too."  
  
"SamanthaCarter is a formidable woman my friend."  
  
"Yeah, I'll be careful." Jack quipped.  
  
"But you are also a formidable man. A most interesting combination."  
  
"I'm flattered to be compared favourably to my wife." Jack smiled. My wife. God I'm married to her. He had to keep reminding himself that this was true and had pinched himself on more than one occasion that day.  
  
"So where's the honeymoon? Are you gonna let us in on your little secret at last?" Asked Daniel.  
  
"Ummm... no." Jack replied.  
  
"Oh, come on you guys, play fair." Daniel looked to Sam in the hope that his puppy dog eyes would persuade her, but knew immediately it was a lost cause.  
  
Jack and Sam drew close to each other and held hands. Daniel had noticed they hadn't stopped touching or looking at each other all night. Now that they could express their feelings openly they did so almost instinctively, without thought. He couldn't believe the change this relationship had wrought on both of them.  
  
"Oh come on, give us a clue." He persisted. "How you getting there? How long does it take to get there? Plane? Drive? Hot? Cold? Anything?"  
  
At that moment Hammond arrived, interrupting Daniel's interrogation of the newly weds.  
  
"Glad to see you're here on time Jack. I hope you both enjoy yourselves. Good luck." Daniel looked curious, wondering what on earth the General was talking about, and opened his mouth to ask, but Jack spoke.  
  
"Didn't want to miss the ride Sir."  
  
Jack and Sam were suddenly bathed in bright light, and then gone. Daniel stood open mouthed and even Teal'c looked stunned.  
  
"Wha...?" Daniel managed to say.  
  
Hammond was grinning from ear to ear.  
  
"Oh, that? I told him I drew the line at using the gate for honeymoon couples. So, Jack arranged his own transport."  
  
Thor? Jack had been right, Daniel thought, in SGC terms this was a fairytale ending.  
  
The End 


End file.
